<p>Baroness Anastasia DeCobray as born to a family of snooty nondescript minor European lords and eventually grew into one of the most diabolical criminal masterminds the world has ever seen.&nbsp; She got her start in the ranks of student activism and quickly graduated to international terrorism - but not the sort of bullshit "suicide bomber" terrorist pussies - the sort of "world domination" terrorists that you can really sort of have some respect for.&nbsp; She's not out there to make some idiotic convoluted political statement by beheading civilians or humping goats in the mountains somewhere;&nbsp; She's the kind of crazy bitch that's hell-bent on conquering third-world countries by building giant anamatronic cobras that have guns duct-taped to their heads, shoot mind control gas out of their eyes and eat babies.&nbsp; Essentially The Baroness is to terrorism what high-class escorts are to prostitution.</p>
<p>As a high-ranking member of the international terrorist organization COBRA, The Baroness is the most powerful woman in the world's most criminally inept military force in history.&nbsp; But don't blame her - you know that a general can only go to war with the army she's given.&nbsp; Since the woman is pretty much always the brains behind any organization, you know that she's got COBRA Commander and Destro eating out of the palm of her hand.&nbsp; Unfortunatly, that can only get you so far, since COBRA Commander has a habit of completely fucking bungling every single operation he undergoes, and his crack force of half-retarded military rejects spend far more time getting their heads bonked together by G.I. Joes than doing anything even remotely productive.</p>
<p>The Baroness herself, however, doesn't put up with stupid bullshit and is totally capable of kicking balls and taking names herself.&nbsp; She's more than happy to don her sexy librarian glasses, jet black form-fitting body armor and black leather jumpsuit and start shoving the three-inch heels of her clunky knee-high boots up the asses of capitalist pig democracies across the globe.&nbsp; Just check out her file card:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.myuselessknowledge.com/joe/baroness.html" target="blank">Character Page</a></p>
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<p>She's a master of espionage and counter-intelligence, with expert marksman training on several NATO and Warsaw pact small arms.&nbsp; Her file card indicates her proficiency in the operation of several vehicles, including the H.I.S.S. Heavy Tank, and a variety of fixed-wing military aircraft.&nbsp; On top of these abilities, her card does fail to mention one other special skill of hers however:&nbsp; Her high-level training in Transformer Piloting:</p>
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<p align="center"><img src="http://www.amazingben.com/badass-baronessoptimus.jpg" alt="" vspace="8" /><br />I'm not even sure what's going on in this picture,<br />but it definitely involves super-badass&nbsp;<a href="http://www.badassoftheweek.com/optimusprime.html" target="blank">Optimus Prime</a><br />wearing COBRA markings and carrying The Baroness around,<br />which is enough to rank it as one of the greatest pictures I have ever seen.</p>
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<p>Despite their struggle for the forces of good, Scarlet and Lady Jaye have nothing on The Baroness.&nbsp; She's the most kickass bitch to ever plot the violent overthrow of every civilized nation on the planet, and if I had to pick one diabolical criminal mastermind to help me lead an armed revolution in a third-world country while driving around in a giant robotic monkey with laser eyes and wearing elaborate costumes, it would be her.</p>
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<p align="center"><img src="http://www.amazingben.com/badass-baroness.jpg" alt="" vspace="8" /><br /><span>This was drawn by Elizabeth for the&nbsp;<a href="http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=2060" target="blank">SA Contest</a>&nbsp;in 2004.</span></p>
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