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Most parents believe their child will flourish into sexuality only in adolescence.  They are often taken by surprise when it happens sooner and many parents fear the worst.  The truth about sexual development is that it has been happening along with all the other aspects of a child’s development since baby was in utero.  Here are some tips on how to help your children from a young age to adolescence honor their sexuality and their bodies<!--more-->:
<ol>
	<li>Teach children to ask permission before touching others bodies</li>
	<li>Teach children that no and stop are important words</li>
	<li>Never force a child to hug or kiss someone when they don’t want to</li>
	<li>Encourage children to wash their own genitals at bath time</li>
	<li>Allow children to talk about their bodies</li>
	<li>Encourage them to talk about what feels good and what doesn’t (i.e.: I don’t like to be tickled)</li>
	<li>Don’t tease children for their boy-girl friendships and crushes, or sexualize their behavior</li>
	<li>Teach children that their behaviors affect others</li>
	<li>Allow children to talk to you about their bodies in any way they want without shame</li>
</ol>
<strong>For tweens and teens:</strong>
<ol>
	<li>Arm your children with knowledge and self-confidence as it pertains to sex, studies show that this will inform their decisions and direct their sexual destinies.</li>
	<li>Speak openly about your values and your expectations as it pertains to sex.</li>
	<li>Inquire and be open to dialogue about <em>their</em> values and expectations as it pertains to sex for them and how they see it play out in their social group (this is a time to listen not time to parent)</li>
	<li>Continue to build their self-esteem, due to the increase in conflict during the tween/teen years it can be difficult to remember to continue to build up the children for all of skills, kindness, and appearance</li>
	<li>Use media and subculture to take the opportunity to tackle conversations about sex. It’s difficult for adolescents to discriminate between what they think they should do and what they are actually comfortable doing when they are influenced by subculture.</li>
	<li>Speak honestly with children about partying</li>
	<li>Be “the house.” Peers are the strongest influence on the values attitudes and behaviors of adolescents.</li>
</ol>
If a child engages in sexual behavior it is often difficult to decide if it is natural and healthy or if it is an indication of a disturbance.  The following lists are developmentally appropriate sexual behaviors.

Pre-school years(2-5):
<ul>
	<li>Touches and rubs own genitals when being changed, when going to sleep, when excited, or afraid.</li>
	<li>Explores difference in gender</li>
	<li>Touches the private parts of familiar adults</li>
	<li>Ask about genitals, breast, intercourse and babies.</li>
	<li>Using “dirty” words for bathroom and sexual functions</li>
	<li>Plays doctor with other children</li>
</ul>
Kinder-4<sup>th</sup> grade: (same as above, and the behaviors below)
<ul>
	<li>Shows others their genitals</li>
	<li>Interested in urination and defecation</li>
	<li>Thinks others genital are “gross” or that they have “cooties”</li>
	<li>Talks about sex with friends</li>
	<li>Likes to hear and use “dirty” words</li>
	<li>Compares genitals with peer-aged friends</li>
	<li>Erections</li>
	<li>Girls are menstruating as early as 9 years old, best practice is to talk to them about menstruation before it happens.</li>
</ul>
Middle-school- adolescence
<ul>
	<li>The body matures faster than the emotional and intellectual abilities causing confusion.</li>
	<li>Secondary sex traits like breast and pubic hair begin in girls between 7 and 14 years of age and in boys between 9 and 17 years of age.</li>
	<li>Males begin masturbating between 13 and 15 years of age.</li>
	<li>The onset of masturbation for females is gradual.</li>
	<li>The median age of first intercourse for boys is 16.9 and girls is 17.4.</li>
	<li>At least one third of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20.</li>
	<li>About 73% of teens think sex is ok between consenting unmarried adults.</li>
	<li>2-10 % of the population realize their homosexuality in their teenage years, due to societies negative attitudes about LGBTQ people; most gay , lesbian and bi-sexual teens suffer a great deal of emotional pain.</li>
	<li>The most significant predictor of sexual intercourse between teenagers is alcohol and drug use, the presence of a boyfriend or girlfriend and poor parental monitoring.</li>
</ul>
Although difficult to tackle it is best for children, tweens, and teens to get information about their sexuality from their parents.  It is another aspect of their development and a necessary place for guidance.

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<em>*** If you are concerned or wondering about your child’s sexual behavior seek assistance from a therapist or your  child’s doctor.  Call us at The Nest 305-392-0788, we can help.***</em>

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