By The Team at The Nest

Parenting with a partner can be the most challenging and rewarding experience you ever have as a couple. Whether you were brought together by similarities or attracted by differences, it’s impossible to predict who you will be as a parent until you are in it. Suddenly, differences in ideology emerge; who are we as parents? What religion should we teach our child? My partner values discipline and respect and I value compassion and creativity; how can we parent so that all our values are represented? How do we get on the same page? Opening up to<!--more--> each other and being honest about your parenting expectations is the first step in moving towards a cohesive family plan and a successful parenting partnership.

What the Science Tells Us:

1. Multiple Studies show that a new baby brings decline in the happiness and connection of a couple. One study found 80% of couples found a decline in marital quality. (Belsky, J &amp; Kelly J ,1994) They also state that the health and welfare of the baby’s development is highly contingent on the quality of the parents’ relationship. (Nachmias, M et al, 1996) The primary sources for conflict between couples are:
<ul>
	<li>Sleep Loss</li>
	<li>Social Isolation</li>
	<li>Unequal Workload</li>
	<li>Depression- equally critical in both parents</li>
</ul>
It is important to understand these stressors, set expectations around them and discuss them openly since your relationship is linked to your children’s well-being.

2. Families that raise moral children have parents that are unified and consistent with:
<ul>
	<li>Consistent Rules and Rewards</li>
	<li>Swift and clear consequences and punishment</li>
	<li>Rules that are explained and clear to the children</li>
</ul>
3. Attachment theorists understand that the greatest predictor of how a child will develop and thrive is how their parents make sense of their own lives. If parents make sense of how their pasts affect them, their children do well.

4. A father’s involvement with his children is directly linked to how much time he spent taking care of them when they were infants. (Donate-Bartfield &amp; Passman,1985) It is important for mothers to understand that when they do not involve the father in the care of the infant, they are intervening with the future relationship between father and child.

It is important to work together as partners to move toward parenting together. In order to do this, be sure to think about and share with one another your <strong>expectations</strong>. Speak and ask one another what kind of parent you expect to be and what kind of parent you expect your partner to be. Be sure to find and tell one another your <strong>core values</strong>. When you are clear on your values, it becomes easier to discipline and make daily decisions about your children together. Discover, think about and share with one another those things you find are <strong>strengths in your partner</strong> as a parent. We often tell our partners what is wrong, rather than celebrating the positive; this works for parenting as well as your relationship. If you can continually check in with one another on these ideas throughout the development of your children, your partnership as parents will most likely blossom.

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