<a href="http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-102 alignright" alt="choose compassion blog" src="http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg" width="403" height="302" /></a>I just spent three days at the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts">Hispana Leadership Summit</a>, a meeting of Latina professionals from around the country.  When planning for the event, I was ready to network, learn, and move The Nest community forward.  In reality, what I experienced was far more powerful.  My experience of the highly successful Latinas at the summit was that everyone had individually decided that being compassionate, inspirational and empowering was her choice for the weekend.  The experience started me thinking about a truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another.  The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school.  My experience at the summit proved that when we choose to be supportive and compassionate, we all benefit from the growth and the vulnerability of being human together.

<a href="http://brenebrown.com/">Brene Brown</a>, a researcher on shame, guilt and vulnerability writes in her books that shame is only neutralized by vulnerability.  However, to maneuver vulnerability one most dare greatly, feel empathy, and practice compassion for the other.  Brown writes, “Compassion is not a virtue – it is a commitment.  It’s not something we have or don’t have – it’s something we choose to practice.”<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592403352/wwwbrenebrown-20"> (Brown, 2007)</a>   Often as parents we choose not to have compassion for the other or for ourselves.  We watch, judge, and wonder why this mother is letting her kid do x,y,z.  We judge ourselves thinking, we are doing it all wrong, not spending enough time with our child, spending too much time with our child, not getting the homework right, nagging about the homework, sleeping with baby or sleep training baby, on and on.  These thoughts, judgments, and self-degradation get us nowhere but stuck.  Choosing compassion instead would give us room to breathe.

That being said, judgment is an automatic response of our brain to make sense of our world.  Brown and most neurologists understand that the brain tends to make lists and logic maps on our everyday choices and experiences.  The brain is often thought of as obtaining information to help us learn when the truth is the brain obtains information to help us stay alive.  Jump to being a parent and having to keep yourself and your offspring alive.  Our children place us on overdrive when it comes to making lists and “getting it right”.  The next time you catch yourself judging another parent remind yourself, “ I am comparing my parent list to their parent list.”  Your brain is reminding you what you know thus far as a parent.  Give yourself and the other parent a break and take a moment to speak to your brain by saying, “thanks for the reminder of how I have chosen to do things.  I’m sure her brain has another list for her experience”.  It is one tool in moving towards fostering compassion for yourself and the other.

I am grateful** that I was able to experience The <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts" target="_blank">Hispana Leadership Summit</a> and remind myself that compassion and empowerment is always the answer when relating to myself, another parent, or my children.  It is simple and at the same time, extremely hard.  Like most things that are worth obtaining, compassion is something that must be practiced before it is mastered.  The women at the summit taught me that it can be sustained.  The parents at The Nest show me that it helps them grow.  My children benefit when I can choose it in our daily lives.  I hope most of you will choose compassion and empowerment when relating to another parent and yourself.  I am certain it will shift your reality for the better.

<i>**A special thank you to </i><a href="http://www.lulyb.com/"><i>LulyB</i></a><i> for inviting us to experience this amazing event.  Thank you Luly!</i>

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