ern: VVV-Dashboard Provides an Interface for Managing Varying Vagrant Vagrants Installations\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:4:\"guid\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:28:\"http://wptavern.com/?p=35807\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:4:\"link\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:107:\"http://wptavern.com/vvv-dashboard-provides-an-interface-for-managing-varying-vagrant-vagrants-installations\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:11:\"description\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:3392:\"<p><a href=\"https://github.com/leogopal/VVV-Dashboard\" target=\"_blank\">VVV-Dashboard</a> is a new tool that provides an interface for managing your <a href=\"https://github.com/Varying-Vagrant-Vagrants/VVV\" target=\"_blank\">Varying Vagrant Vagrants</a> installations. Inspired by <a href=\"http://wptavern.com/variable-vvv-a-new-vvv-site-creation-wizard-for-wordpress\" target=\"_blank\">Variable VVV</a>, a script that makes it easy to create and delete sites, <a href=\"https://twitter.com/leogopal\" target=\"_blank\">Leo Gopal</a> made VVV-Dashboard to complement it.</p>\n<p>Gopal is a WordPress developer from Cape Town, South Africa. &#8220;I installed my first WordPress site seven years ago while in high school and started creating sites for clients ever since. Only recently, after Matt&#8217;s <a href=\"http://ma.tt/2014/09/five-for-the-future/\" target=\"_blank\">Five for the Future</a> speech, did I decide to come out and offer what I have to everyone, more freely,&#8221; he said. VVV-Dashboard is one of his first public contributions.</p>\n<p>The tool was designed to work with Variable VVV but can be used without it. &#8220;Because VVV is very terminal oriented, it&#8217;s easy to forget commands when you need them. For example, you might forget to &#8216;vagrant up &#8211;provision&#8217; when working with Variable VVV (and other site creators),&#8221; Gopal said. VVV-Dashboard adds a quick reference page inside your vvv.dev site for commands and includes a list of all your Vagrant installs.</p>\n<p><a href=\"http://i0.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/vvv-dashboard.png\" rel=\"prettyphoto[35807]\"><img src=\"http://i0.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/vvv-dashboard.png?resize=1025%2C472\" alt=\"vvv-dashboard\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-35817\" /></a></p>\n<p>The title of the page displays how many VVV sites you have installed on your machine. Each site and its admin are linked, along with a <a href=\"http://www.xdebug.org/docs/profiler\" target=\"_blank\">profiler</a> button that offers a quick overview. In order for the profiler to work, you must have Xdebug turned on.</p>\n<p>Many developers end up with a long list of dev sites, and it can be difficult to remember what sites are active and where they are located. The VVV-Dashboard interface saves you time with a convenient list and might even inspire you to perform a cleanup of sites no longer in use.</p>\n<p>In the next few releases, Gopal plans to include more basic site info in the dashboard, such as whether or not WP_Debug is enabled, an indicator for if Xdebug is on/off, the current active theme, etc. Variable VVV recently added a blueprints feature, which allows you to set up different plugins, themes, mu-plugins, options, or constants that will be installed to a new site you create. Gopal plans to create a few blueprint examples and add them to VVV-Dashboard.</p>\n<p>VVV-Dashboard is licensed under the GPL V2. It adds a friendly layer between you and your VVV sites to make management more convenient and efficient. Check out the project on <a href=\"https://github.com/leogopal/VVV-Dashboard\" target=\"_blank\">GitHub</a> where you&#8217;ll find complete installation instructions. If you have any tips on how to improve the project, make sure to <a href=\"https://github.com/leogopal/VVV-Dashboard/issues/new\" target=\"_blank\">leave your feedback</a> for the developer.</p>\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:7:\"pubDate\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:31:\"Wed, 17 Dec 2014 20:01:09 +0000\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}}s:32:\"http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/\";a:1:{s:7:\"creator\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:13:\"Sarah Gooding\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}}}}i:48;a:6:{s:4:\"data\";s:13:\"\n	\n	\n	\n	\n	\n	\n\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";s:5:\"child\";a:2:{s:0:\"\";a:5:{s:5:\"title\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:49:\"WPTavern: ManageWP Releases Plugin Discovery Tool\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:4:\"guid\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:28:\"http://wptavern.com/?p=35747\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:4:\"link\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:59:\"http://wptavern.com/managewp-releases-plugin-discovery-tool\";s:7:\"attribs\";a:0:{}s:8:\"xml_base\";s:0:\"\";s:17:\"xml_base_explicit\";b:0;s:8:\"xml_lang\";s:0:\"\";}}s:11:\"description\";a:1:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:\"data\";s:5361:\"<p>The <a title=\"https://wordpress.org/plugins/\" href=\"https://wordpress.org/plugins/\">WordPress plugin directory</a> has nearly 35k plugins and discovering new ones that have been tested and downloaded a few thousand times is difficult. Users can browse the directory for newest, recently updated, most popular, and highest rated plugins. With the exception of the <a title=\"https://wordpress.org/plugins/browse/updated/\" href=\"https://wordpress.org/plugins/browse/updated/\">recently updated</a> category, there&#8217;s no way to discover plugins in the middle of the pack. A new <a title=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/best\" href=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/best\">plugin discovery tool</a> by ManageWP, attempts to solve the problem.</p>\n<h2>Algorithm Based</h2>\n<a href=\"http://i1.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ManageWPBestNewPlugins.png\" rel=\"prettyphoto[35747]\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-35794\" src=\"http://i1.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ManageWPBestNewPlugins.png?resize=925%2C663\" alt=\"Best New Plugins\" /></a>Best New Plugins Page\n<p>The front page of <a title=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/best\" href=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/best\">ManageWP.org/plugins</a> displays the best new plugins under 100k downloads. The plugins are determined using an algorithm that takes into account plugin quality and acceleration of growth. A plugin&#8217;s quality is determined using seven metrics:</p>\n<ul>\n<li>Last Updated</li>\n<li>WordPress Compatibility</li>\n<li>Support</li>\n<li>Rating</li>\n<li>Plugin Popularity</li>\n<li>Author Popularity</li>\n<li>Other plugins from the same author</li>\n</ul>\n<p>Using a combination of metrics, ManageWP is able to display a constantly evolving list of <a title=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/rising\" href=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/rising\"><em>rising stars</em></a>. Placing emphasis on a plugin&#8217;s compatibility with WordPress and when it was last updated might motivate plugin authors to keep these fields updated.</p>\n<h2>Comparing Plugins</h2>\n<p>If you&#8217;re curious to see how plugins compare to each other, check out the <a title=\"https://managewp.org/#comparePlugins\" href=\"https://managewp.org/#comparePlugins\">plugin comparison section</a> of the site. Simply choose two different plugins and hit the compare button. The comparison displays each plugin&#8217;s statistics with a download chart at the bottom. At the moment, you&#8217;re limited to comparing only two plugins at the same time, but there are plans to allow for more in the future.</p>\n<a href=\"http://i1.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ManageWPPluginComparison.png\" rel=\"prettyphoto[35747]\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-35793\" src=\"http://i1.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ManageWPPluginComparison.png?resize=915%2C493\" alt=\"Plugin Comparisons\" /></a>Plugin Comparisons\n<h2>Plugin Awards</h2>\n<p>Awards are a quick way to determine how well a plugin is doing in specific categories. For example, <a title=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/details/wordpress-seo\" href=\"https://managewp.org/plugins/details/wordpress-seo\">WordPress SEO</a> by Team Yoast, has a number of awards for being the most downloaded and highest rated in multiple categories. I think it would be beneficial if this area was extended to highlight more ranks like top ten, top five, and number one.</p>\n<a href=\"http://i2.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/PluginAwards.png\" rel=\"prettyphoto[35747]\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-35797\" src=\"http://i2.wp.com/wptavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/PluginAwards.png?resize=599%2C559\" alt=\"ManageWP Plugin Awards\" /></a>ManageWP Plugin Awards\n<h2>Future Improvements</h2>\n<p>ManageWP founder, Vladimir Prelovac, says he&#8217;s not finished with the site. In <a title=\"https://managewp.com/blog\" href=\"https://managewp.com/blog\">the announcement</a>, he shares a couple of ideas on what he&#8217;d like to see in the next iteration.</p>\n<ul>\n<li>Simpler plugin comparison, allow multiple plugins compared at once.</li>\n<li>Include <a href=\"https://wpvulndb.com/\">WP Vulnerability Database</a> security data to plugin details page and Plugin Quality score.</li>\n<li>Allow plugin authors to ‘claim’ their pages. This will allow all sorts of activity like adding the links to their premium support, answering Q&amp;A</li>\n<li>Open everything via an API so everyone can use the engine and its data</li>\n</ul>\n<p>The WP Vulnerability Database will be a nice enhancement, especially if you can see how many vulnerability reports a plugin has. Something to keep in mind is that ManageWP/Plugins is utilizing the <a title=\"http://codex.wordpress.org/WordPress.org_API\" href=\"http://codex.wordpress.org/WordPress.org_API\">WordPress.org Plugins API,</a> which limits the types of data it&#8217;s able to work with.</p>\n<h2>A Plugin Directory Without The Plugins</h2>\n<p>I love the idea behind <a title=\"https://managewp.org/plugins\" href=\"https://managewp.org/plugins\">ManageWP/Plugins</a> because it fills a void created by the plugin directory. It&#8217;s essentially a sub-section of the directory without the plugins. When I look for plugins to review, the directory leaves me little choice between one that&#8217;s popular or brand new. 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The possibility of the requirement already has opposition among Theme Review Team administrators.</p>\n<p>When we <a href=\"http://wptavern.com/wordpress-themes-directory-now-requires-all-themes-to-be-translation-ready\" target=\"_blank\">published</a> about WordPress.org&#8217;s newest requirement for themes to be translation-ready, several readers chimed in on the comments to advocate for accessibility to be required. Justin Tadlock, a TRT admin, <a href=\"http://wptavern.com/wordpress-themes-directory-now-requires-all-themes-to-be-translation-ready#comment-61697\" target=\"_blank\">replied</a>, &#8220;As an admin of TRT, full compliance with our current accessibility guidelines is something I’d fight to not make a requirement.</p>\n<p>&#8220;Unfortunately, making a theme accessible can sometimes mean not respecting a designer’s artistic vision. This is particularly an issue with color contrasts. Anything that would hinder design decisions like this is not something I would support. 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INSERT INTO `wp_posts` VALUES (39,3,'2013-03-06 17:53:06','2013-03-06 17:53:06','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>','An Emotinal Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 17:53:06','2013-03-06 17:53:06','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=39',0,'revision','',0),(11,1,'2013-01-22 18:01:15','2013-01-22 18:01:15','','LOGO','','inherit','open','open','','logo','','','2013-01-22 18:01:15','2013-01-22 18:01:15','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/LOGO.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(37,3,'2013-03-06 17:52:17','2013-03-06 17:52:17','','nest-abstract004','','inherit','open','open','','nest-abstract004','','','2013-03-06 17:52:17','2013-03-06 17:52:17','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(38,3,'2013-03-06 17:53:37','2013-03-06 17:53:37','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do we tell our little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  \r\n\r\nLina Acosta Sandaal, MA','An Emotional Choice','','publish','open','open','','an-emotinal-choice','','','2013-03-06 20:30:28','2013-03-06 20:30:28','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=38',0,'post','',0),(21,1,'2013-02-06 23:56:27','2013-02-06 23:56:27','Hi!\r\n\r\nWe are committed to blogging.  Tell us what you want to hear about. What you wonder about? What baffles you...We will blog.\r\n\r\nThe Team at The Nest','Its Time to Blog','','publish','open','open','','its-time-to-blog','','','2013-02-06 23:56:27','2013-02-06 23:56:27','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=21',0,'post','',0),(22,1,'2013-02-06 23:55:57','2013-02-06 23:55:57','Hi!\n\nWe are committed to blogging.  Tell us what you want to hear about. What you wonder about?','Its Time to Blog','','inherit','open','open','','21-revision','','','2013-02-06 23:55:57','2013-02-06 23:55:57','',21,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=22',0,'revision','',0),(23,1,'2013-02-06 23:57:30','2013-02-06 23:57:30','Hi!\n\nWe are committed to blogging.  Tell us what you want to hear about. What you wonder about? What baffles you...We will blog.\n\nThe Team at The Nest','Its Time to Blog','','inherit','open','open','','21-autosave','','','2013-02-06 23:57:30','2013-02-06 23:57:30','',21,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=23',0,'revision','',0),(58,3,'2013-08-27 20:13:56','2013-08-27 20:13:56','','FoamFinger','','inherit','open','open','','foamfinger','','','2013-08-27 20:13:56','2013-08-27 20:13:56','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/FoamFinger.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(40,3,'2013-09-16 22:17:45','2013-09-16 22:17:45','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice. Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate? Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion. A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table. A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home. Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid. Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life. We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children. It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do we tell our little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness. How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon. Are we up for the challenge? Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay? I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.\n\nLina Acosta Sandaal, MA','An Emotional Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-autosave-v1','','','2013-09-16 22:17:45','2013-09-16 22:17:45','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=40',0,'revision','',0),(46,3,'2013-03-06 20:27:57','2013-03-06 20:27:57','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  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Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  \r\n\r\nLina Acosta Sandaal, MA','An Emotional Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 20:27:57','2013-03-06 20:27:57','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=46',0,'revision','',0),(41,3,'2013-03-06 17:53:37','2013-03-06 17:53:37','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" />Every day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do I tell my little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.\r\n\r\n</a>','An Emotinal Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 17:53:37','2013-03-06 17:53:37','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=41',0,'revision','',0),(42,3,'2013-03-06 17:56:00','2013-03-06 17:56:00','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do I tell my little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  ','An Emotinal Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 17:56:00','2013-03-06 17:56:00','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=42',0,'revision','',0),(337,3,'2014-10-30 21:25:07','2014-10-30 21:25:07','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-full\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"960\" height=\"960\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"><!--moremore--></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:25:07','2014-10-30 21:25:07','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(44,3,'2013-03-06 17:57:14','2013-03-06 17:57:14','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do I tell my little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  ','An Emotinal Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 17:57:14','2013-03-06 17:57:14','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=44',0,'revision','',0),(45,3,'2013-03-06 18:00:29','2013-03-06 18:00:29','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do I tell my little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  ','An Emotional Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 18:00:29','2013-03-06 18:00:29','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=45',0,'revision','',0),(47,3,'2013-03-06 20:29:44','2013-03-06 20:29:44','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=37\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-37\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37\" alt=\"nest-abstract004\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nest-abstract004.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"146\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\nEvery day as parents and individuals we have a choice.  Do we shut down our emotions in the hope of never being hurt again or do we open up with vulnerability and believe that no matter the circumstance we can tolerate and recuperate?  Young children have yet to learn to shut down an emotion.  A little one is open and willing to scream with sadness when their toy falls off the table.  A little one runs around the room arms flailing and voice loudly expressing joy because Daddy is home.  Our little ones teach us to feel with wild abandon and to live in the moment because they have yet to feel afraid.  Yet as parents, our own past hurts and our inability to trust interrupts this free flow of emotion and life.  We do this to protect ourselves from the possibility of pain, in the disguise of protecting and sheltering our children.  It’s important as parents to ask ourselves, how often do we tell our little one that “it’s okay” just so we do not have to tolerate their sadness.  How often do we tell our little one to quiet down when they are full of excitement because somewhere inside of us we believe that joy is fleeting and are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day as a parent our children challenge us to feel with abandon.  Are we up for the challenge?  Are we willing to have this little one show us that to be truly alive we must risk pain, happiness, frustration, anger, joy, and love with the certainty that it may all end and we will be okay?  I hope that we can all take a pause the next time our little one cries with abandon and cherish living life unburdened from fear of emotion.  \r\n\r\nLina Acosta Sandaal, MA','An Emotional Choice','','inherit','open','open','','38-revision-v1','','','2013-03-06 20:29:44','2013-03-06 20:29:44','',38,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=47',0,'revision','',0),(346,3,'2014-10-30 21:30:47','2014-10-30 21:30:47','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.<!--more-->  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:30:47','2014-10-30 21:30:47','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(344,3,'2014-10-30 21:29:26','2014-10-30 21:29:26','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-sensitive-son-and-his-place-in-the-world/2014-10-15-09-09-32/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"><!--moremore--></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:29:26','2014-10-30 21:29:26','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(343,3,'2014-10-30 21:29:26','2014-10-30 21:29:26','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"><!--moremore--></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:29:26','2014-10-30 21:29:26','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(342,3,'2014-10-30 21:30:28','2014-10-30 21:30:28','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\n\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"></p>\n\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n</div>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\n\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n</div>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-autosave-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:30:28','2014-10-30 21:30:28','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(341,3,'2014-10-30 21:27:30','2014-10-30 21:27:30','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-sensitive-son-and-his-place-in-the-world/2014-10-15-09-09-32/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.<!--more--></p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:27:30','2014-10-30 21:27:30','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(69,3,'2013-08-28 00:25:59','2013-08-28 00:25:59','','FoamFinger','','inherit','open','open','','foamfinger-2','','','2013-08-28 00:25:59','2013-08-28 00:25:59','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/FoamFinger1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(72,3,'2013-08-28 00:49:36','2013-08-28 00:49:36','','Nest_Flyer_Bottom','','inherit','open','open','','nest_flyer_bottom','','','2013-08-28 00:49:36','2013-08-28 00:49:36','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(339,3,'2014-10-30 21:27:05','2014-10-30 21:27:05','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.<!--more--></p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:27:05','2014-10-30 21:27:05','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(74,3,'2013-09-04 01:18:01','2013-09-04 01:18:01','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>\r\n\r\nby Lina Acosta Sandaal,MA\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children','','publish','open','open','','thoughts-on-raising-happy-children','','','2013-09-04 02:49:18','2013-09-04 02:49:18','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=74',0,'post','',0),(75,3,'2013-09-04 00:57:04','2013-09-04 00:57:04','','2013-08-26 17.08.15','','inherit','open','open','','2013-08-26-17-08-15','','','2013-09-04 00:57:04','2013-09-04 00:57:04','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/2013-08-26-17.08.15.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(76,3,'2013-09-04 00:58:57','2013-09-04 00:58:57','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/2013-08-26-17.08.15.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-75\" alt=\"2013-08-26 17.08.15\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/2013-08-26-17.08.15.jpg\" width=\"2448\" height=\"3264\" /></a>\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of Psychology Today, I smiled at the title of the featured article: ”What Happy People Do Differently”( http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently).  I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community happysomeone.com, giving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.”  So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.  \r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion.  So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy.  What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive?  What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep?  What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry?  That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy.  This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness.  Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT.  Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness.  The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.  \r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed.  The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness.  This is great news for parents of toddlers.  The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing.  Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells.  Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity.  Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes.  It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection.  I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility.  They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry.   They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset.  However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.  \r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment.  The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow.  This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws.  The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys.  The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love.  Honor those fleeting moments.  Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand. \r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum.  Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves.  It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable.  However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world.  So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness?  The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing.  A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion.  Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care?  What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression.  This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting.  It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier.  So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task?  It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you.  Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”.  The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion.  This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult.  They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college.  We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better.  Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness.  Happy is the feeling.  The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy.  Yet happiness is less tangible.  Happiness is a state of being.  It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings.  The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children.  Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children   by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 00:58:57','2013-09-04 00:58:57','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=76',0,'revision','',0),(77,3,'2013-09-04 01:05:23','2013-09-04 01:05:23','','psychology today','','inherit','open','open','','psychology-today','','','2013-09-04 01:05:23','2013-09-04 01:05:23','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(78,3,'2013-09-04 01:07:49','2013-09-04 01:07:49','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children   by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 01:07:49','2013-09-04 01:07:49','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=78',0,'revision','',0),(79,3,'2013-09-04 01:08:09','2013-09-04 01:08:09','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>When I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children   by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 01:08:09','2013-09-04 01:08:09','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=79',0,'revision','',0),(80,3,'2013-09-04 01:14:05','2013-09-04 01:14:05','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>\r\n\r\nby Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children  ','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 01:14:05','2013-09-04 01:14:05','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=80',0,'revision','',0),(81,3,'2013-09-04 01:14:56','2013-09-04 01:14:56','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children  by Lina Acosta Sandaal,MA','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 01:14:56','2013-09-04 01:14:56','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=81',0,'revision','',0),(82,3,'2013-09-04 01:16:33','2013-09-04 01:16:33','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-77 alignright\" alt=\"psychology today\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/psychology-today.jpg\" width=\"363\" height=\"483\" /></a>\r\n\r\nby Lina Acosta Sandaal,MA\r\n\r\nWhen I received this month’s copy of <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today</a>, I smiled at the title of the featured article: <a href=\"http:// http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently\" target=\"_blank\">”What Happy People Do Differently”</a>. I smile because we have been speaking about our friend’s community <a href=\"http://happysomeone.com/\" target=\"_blank\">happysomeone.com</a>, gi<span style=\"line-height: 1.714285714; font-size: 1rem;\">ving away stickers and joining his movement, but more importantly because time and again parents in our Couture Parenting groups tell us, “I just want my child to be happy.” So I delved into the article and challenged myself to write about their findings as it pertains to parenting.</span>\r\n\r\nThe primary finding of happiness research is that those who are happy take risks, allow themselves discomfort and feel any and all emotion. So, applied to parenting, the mere fact of having an infant should make you happy. What is riskier than taking on the responsibility of maintaining another human being alive? What is more uncomfortable than attempting to function in the world with 4 or less hours of sleep? What generates a worse feeling than hearing our newborn cry? That is why parenting, although highly painful, gives us so much joy. This is a wonderful “reframing” of those moments in infant parenting that seem awful but that according to research, make us happier.\r\nThe article goes on to say that when we celebrate our friend’s, lover’s and children’s accomplishments, we increase our feelings of happiness. Most of us spend our days telling our children how well they did or how proud we are they got through that FCAT. Just like taking the risk of becoming a parent can bring happiness, so can your praise and pride in your child bring happiness. The child further benefits from the positive reinforcement, which more times than not works best when attempting to parent away difficult behavior.\r\nAlso of interest in the article is a study that found curiosity as one choice/thought that created happiness in those they observed. The participants that continually left their comfort zones and stepped into curious behavior were more prone to express gratitude and fulfillment than those participants who chose to follow their usual and safer paths to happiness. This is great news for parents of toddlers. The world, as seen through the eyes of a toddler, is mesmerizing. Something as simple as the grocery aisle is fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and smells. Take the time to follow the toddler in their curiosity. Narrate what they see and touch and challenge yourself to see it through their eyes. It will help them with esteem, language, and emotional growth but for you the adult, you can have a moment of being curious about the world, which according to researchers will promote happiness.\r\nAnother key researchers found to being happy is to avoid getting stuck on the details and striving too hard for perfection. I, for one, am guilty of seeing so much detail in my day-to-day that at times it causes frustration rather than what I like to consider effective mobility. They make a nice point in the article about how this attention to detail sometimes goes awry. They describe being upset with your partner and being able to see the tiny movements in their face or their body that then we describe as being “wrong or judgmental” because in the moment we are upset. However, when all things are copacetic we ignore a slight or phrase under the guise that it was just for the moment.\r\nParenthood offers opportunities to look past the details and enjoy the moment. The first time our preschooler decides to pick out their clothes and wear every color of the rainbow. This is a parenting moment for honoring the child and their achievement and giving up on the detail that he just dressed himself like “Punky Brewster” and you are going to see your in-laws. The moment your teenage girl tells you all about how happy she is that she finally met her “first true love” and you happen to also hear she met him while at a friend’s house you did not know she was spending time with and that they were alone with boys. The detail of her omitting being at this friend’s house is less important than the amazing truth that she has chosen you, her parent, to speak about her first true love. Honor those fleeting moments. Forgive yourself the imperfection I agree with the researchers: the ocean view is a lot more interesting than a speck of sand.\r\nThey also found that those who are able to balance pleasure and purpose tend to lean on the happy side of the spectrum. Now this one for the parent group is highly difficult, confusing and more often than not, the reason many parents shame themselves. It is true that spending an afternoon of the park and ice cream with our child is pleasurable. However, it is not the type of pleasure that most adults would describe first when asked what would you like to do for pleasurable moment if you had all the money, and time in the world. So as parents how do we find this balance for happiness? The purpose for most of us is to get our children thriving and growing. A lot of parents hold that in mind and plow through their day only fulfilling that emotion. Many times, when a mommy is sitting in my office in tears I find myself asking her, what about your self-care? What about your hopes and dreams? Your children need to watch their parent dream, take care of themselves, and have goals so that then they can model the behavior and as the researchers proved, also give happiness.\r\nThe one finding that makes this mental health professional most happy is the idea that those who are happy are prone to be flexible and vulnerable with their emotional expression. This is the concept we speak about the most at The Nest as it pertains to parenting. It is important to help build your children’s emotional intelligence, which will make you and your children happier. So how does a parent accomplish this daunting task? It is important to have emotional intelligence yourself or at least begin to understand how certain emotions trigger you. Most of us tend to avoid one or two emotions and when we see or experience them in our children we quickly act for them to “cut it out”. The difficulty with this response is that children need experience, understand, and have a solution when experiencing emotion. This task they can only do with the assistance of an adult. They will continue to need this assistance in varying degrees until you drop them off in college. We don’t have to be perfect parents, but we do have to begin to understand what emotions do to us, what meaning we have given them, and how/what we do to feel better. Then we can do the same for our children and finally be happier in our day to day.\r\nBut what exactly is happiness. Happy is the feeling. The one we experience when we smile, laugh, and spend time doing something we enjoy. Yet happiness is less tangible. Happiness is a state of being. It is a state based on our choices, thoughts, and surroundings. The best news of all is that if we can know for ourselves these choices, thoughts and surroundings then we can share that knowledge with our children. Then, in turn, your child will know happiness.\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Thoughts on Raising Happy Children  ','','inherit','open','open','','74-revision-v1','','','2013-09-04 01:16:33','2013-09-04 01:16:33','',74,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=82',0,'revision','',0),(348,3,'2014-10-30 21:30:54','2014-10-30 21:30:54','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-sensitive-son-and-his-place-in-the-world/2014-10-15-09-09-32/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.<!--more-->  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:30:54','2014-10-30 21:30:54','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(100,3,'2013-09-17 17:45:44','2013-09-17 17:45:44','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-102 alignright\" alt=\"choose compassion blog\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"302\" /></a>I just spent three days at the <a href=\"https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts\">Hispana Leadership Summit</a>, a meeting of Latina professionals from around the country.  When planning for the event, I was ready to network, learn, and move The Nest community forward.  In reality, what I experienced was far more powerful.  My experience of the highly successful Latinas at the summit was that everyone had individually decided that being compassionate, inspirational and empowering was her choice for the weekend.  The experience started me thinking about a truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another.  The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school.  My experience at the summit proved that when we choose to be supportive and compassionate, we all benefit from the growth and the vulnerability of being human together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://brenebrown.com/\">Brene Brown</a>, a researcher on shame, guilt and vulnerability writes in her books that shame is only neutralized by vulnerability.  However, to maneuver vulnerability one most dare greatly, feel empathy, and practice compassion for the other.  Brown writes, “Compassion is not a virtue – it is a commitment.  It’s not something we have or don’t have – it’s something we choose to practice.”<a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592403352/wwwbrenebrown-20\"> (Brown, 2007)</a>   Often as parents we choose not to have compassion for the other or for ourselves.  We watch, judge, and wonder why this mother is letting her kid do x,y,z.  We judge ourselves thinking, we are doing it all wrong, not spending enough time with our child, spending too much time with our child, not getting the homework right, nagging about the homework, sleeping with baby or sleep training baby, on and on.  These thoughts, judgments, and self-degradation get us nowhere but stuck.  Choosing compassion instead would give us room to breathe.\r\n\r\nThat being said, judgment is an automatic response of our brain to make sense of our world.  Brown and most neurologists understand that the brain tends to make lists and logic maps on our everyday choices and experiences.  The brain is often thought of as obtaining information to help us learn when the truth is the brain obtains information to help us stay alive.  Jump to being a parent and having to keep yourself and your offspring alive.  Our children place us on overdrive when it comes to making lists and “getting it right”.  The next time you catch yourself judging another parent remind yourself, “ I am comparing my parent list to their parent list.”  Your brain is reminding you what you know thus far as a parent.  Give yourself and the other parent a break and take a moment to speak to your brain by saying, “thanks for the reminder of how I have chosen to do things.  I’m sure her brain has another list for her experience”.  It is one tool in moving towards fostering compassion for yourself and the other.\r\n\r\nI am grateful** that I was able to experience The <a href=\"https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts\" target=\"_blank\">Hispana Leadership Summit</a> and remind myself that compassion and empowerment is always the answer when relating to myself, another parent, or my children.  It is simple and at the same time, extremely hard.  Like most things that are worth obtaining, compassion is something that must be practiced before it is mastered.  The women at the summit taught me that it can be sustained.  The parents at The Nest show me that it helps them grow.  My children benefit when I can choose it in our daily lives.  I hope most of you will choose compassion and empowerment when relating to another parent and yourself.  I am certain it will shift your reality for the better.\r\n\r\n<i>**A special thank you to </i><a href=\"http://www.lulyb.com/\"><i>LulyB</i></a><i> for inviting us to experience this amazing event.  Thank you Luly!</i>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone  wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Choosing Compassion    by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','publish','open','open','','choosing-compassion-by-lina-acosta-sandaal-ma','','','2013-09-17 21:07:51','2013-09-17 21:07:51','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=100',0,'post','',0),(121,3,'2013-10-02 21:10:17','2013-10-02 21:10:17','Last week, I was with a good friend of mine picking her brain about marketing and business things since she is very adept at them.  She told me that we needed a picture of an angry-looking teen, wearing over-sized headphones to help us generate interest.  I must have made a face because she quickly asked me what I thought.  I told her that at the nest we like to look at the strengths of families and children, that I understand how it is difficult to be the parent of the uninterested adolescent buried in his headphones.   However, I knew in my heart and through my experience working with teens in therapy that the headphones and the distance tell a story.  She smirked and as old friends do, told me the truth, “Lina, I can’t wait until your kids are teens. We will see…”\r\n\r\nShe stopped me in my tracks.  She made me take a moment to process and wonder what will it be like when my little 8-year-old and 5-year-old turn 18 and 15. I will be surprised when they do become adolescents, but as Oprah says, one thing I know for sure, I will be mourning the loss of my little people and that will be my greatest challenge.\r\n\r\nLoss, regret, sadness, anger and guilt:   these feelings predominate during the transition from adolescence for both the parent and the child.  The primary task of development during adolescence is integrating values, education, and life experiences in order to graduate to the independence of adulthood.  This task is a betrayal and a loss for the parent.  It’s the little secret of which no one speaks:  the nights of feeling regret for not spending more time with your child when they still wanted you; the anger and shame of feeling rejected when your teens says, “leave me alone”; the sadness that your little one is now becoming a man or woman and soon will leave; and the guilt of wishing they would stop changing.  The adolescent feels the loss of being able to go to mom and dad when scared or lost in the fear of seeming like a kid rather than an emerging adult.  The teen feels the anger and guilt of knowing they are hurting their parent out of a normal and ordinary search for identity.  One teen may blame mom and dad for the guilt they feel.  Another may attempt to make everyone happy at the expense of finding their authentic self and then entering adulthood lost as to who they truly are.  Adolescence is hard on both parent and child. Allow yourself to give this transition the respect and patience it deserves by allowing all involved to feel the difficult feelings, tolerate them, and recover from them to find at the end that one more time parent and child has transformed together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;',' On Teens and What is Really Going on Inside of the Headphones   by  Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','publish','open','open','','on-teens-and-what-is-really-going-on-inside-of-the-headphones-by-lina-acosta-sandaal-ma','','','2013-10-29 13:56:28','2013-10-29 13:56:28','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=121',0,'post','',0),(102,3,'2013-09-17 17:39:15','2013-09-17 17:39:15','','choose compassion blog','','inherit','open','open','','choose-compassion-blog','','','2013-09-17 17:39:15','2013-09-17 17:39:15','',100,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(103,3,'2013-09-17 17:40:23','2013-09-17 17:40:23','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-102 alignright\" alt=\"choose compassion blog\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"302\" /></a>I just spent three days at the <a href=\"https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts\">Hispana Leadership Summit</a>, a meeting of Latina professionals from around the country.  When planning for the event, I was ready to network, learn, and move The Nest community forward.  In reality, what I experienced was far more powerful.  My experience of the highly successful Latinas at the summit was that everyone had individually decided that being compassionate, inspirational and empowering was her choice for the weekend.  The experience started me thinking about a truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another.  The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school.  My experience at the summit proved that when we choose to be supportive and compassionate, we all benefit from the growth and the vulnerability of being human together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://brenebrown.com/\">Brene Brown</a>, a researcher on shame, guilt and vulnerability writes in her books that shame is only neutralized by vulnerability.  However, to maneuver vulnerability one most dare greatly, feel empathy, and practice compassion for the other.  Brown writes, “Compassion is not a virtue – it is a commitment.  It’s not something we have or don’t have – it’s something we choose to practice.”<a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592403352/wwwbrenebrown-20\"> (Brown, 2007)</a>   Often as parents we choose not to have compassion for the other or for ourselves.  We watch, judge, and wonder why this mother is letting her kid do x,y,z.  We judge ourselves thinking, we are doing it all wrong, not spending enough time with our child, spending too much time with our child, not getting the homework right, nagging about the homework, sleeping with baby or sleep training baby, on and on.  These thoughts, judgments, and self-degradation get us nowhere but stuck.  Choosing compassion instead would give us room to breathe.\r\n\r\nThat being said, judgment is an automatic response of our brain to make sense of our world.  Brown and most neurologists understand that the brain tends to make lists and logic maps on our everyday choices and experiences.  The brain is often thought of as obtaining information to help us learn when the truth is the brain obtains information to help us stay alive.  Jump to being a parent and having to keep yourself and your offspring alive.  Our children place us on overdrive when it comes to making lists and “getting it right”.  The next time you catch yourself judging another parent remind yourself, “ I am comparing my parent list to their parent list.”  Your brain is reminding you what you know thus far as a parent.  Give yourself and the other parent a break and take a moment to speak to your brain by saying, “thanks for the reminder of how I have chosen to do things.  I’m sure her brain has another list for her experience”.  It is one tool in moving towards fostering compassion for yourself and the other.\r\n\r\nI am grateful that I was able to experience The Hispana Leadership Summit and remind myself that compassion and empowerment is always the answer when relating to myself, another parent, or my children.  It is simple and at the same time, extremely hard.  Like most things that are worth obtaining, compassion is something that must be practiced before it is mastered.  The women at the summit taught me that it can be sustained.  The parents at The Nest show me that it helps them grow.  My children benefit when I can choose it in our daily lives.  I hope most of you will choose compassion and empowerment when relating to another parent and yourself.  I am certain it will shift your reality for the better.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<i>A special thank you to </i><a href=\"http://www.lulyb.com/\"><i>LulyB</i></a><i> for inviting us to experience this amazing event.  Thank you Luly!</i>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone  wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Choosing Compassion    by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','100-revision-v1','','','2013-09-17 17:40:23','2013-09-17 17:40:23','',100,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/100-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(131,3,'2013-10-16 17:39:52','2013-10-16 17:39:52','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=132\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-132\"><img class=\" wp-image-132 alignleft\" alt=\"linaColombiana\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/linaColombiana.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"674\" /></a>Yesterday marked the end of Hispanic Heritage month and for the first time in a while I was actually conscious of it.  It had me thinking about what my Hispanic heritage means to me, to my parenting, to my children, and to the work that I do.  I realized I have had three different experiences being Hispanic in the United States. The first is as a Colombian immigrant.  My parents brought me here as a child, and like many immigrants my dad’s goal was to give a better life to his family.  The second experience is when I left Miami and experiencing what it was like to be the minority.  Up until the point I left Miami, I had never felt different.  My current experience is that of a Hispanic parent, one attempting to pass along a Hispanic heritage to my children.\r\n\r\nBeing raised by Colombian parents was not easy. I came here very young and for all intents and purposes I was the “gringa” in the Colombian house.  Often I was told that I was too sensitive like the “gringos” or too this or too that because my parents experienced me as different from them.  Here was this American teenager walking into a Colombian household.   The truth was that I wasn\'t an American and I wasn\'t Colombian: I was somewhere in-between. Today I realize that I was bi-cultural.  I also understand how hard it was for my parents to look at their child and not recognize me because I had become part of the bigger culture.  The first response of most parents is to attempt to keep their children like them.  However they\'re being exposed to a bigger culture.  They go to an American school with American teachers with American culture surrounding them.  The parenting task at hand is to accept and witness how your children grow up in two cultures.  Be willing to give your child the opportunity to take a look at both cultures and choose what they love best, a little bit of your culture, a little bit of what the United States gives them.  Take moments and attempt to see the world through their eyes and see this new world together.  If you explore your country of origin’s culture and then become detectives together about the culture of the United States then both of you can grow and change together.\r\n\r\nThis brings me to my next experience of being Hispanic in the United States. I never felt like a minority or like “the other” growing up in Miami.  My experience in Miami was that we were all Latino and even my blonde American friend was Latino somehow.  When I left Miami to go to college in Boston was when I learned that I was “brown”.  The idea of being minority, complete with stereotypes was really difficult and interesting.  I was observing white privilege from this objective perspective because up to that point it had not truly affected me personally.  Now my heritage, my culture, even my facial features were being scrutinized as different and less than.  It was interesting to know that for some of those I encountered my physical and cultural difference made them choose to not bother getting to know me.  This continued from college, to my move to California, and into my professional life as a therapist in L.A.   As a therapist I was able to experience what being “the other” meant and how it shaped the teens I helped.  This idea of difference and being judged by external factors caused some teens to reject their parents’ culture because they were being discriminated against and for others it gave them a myopic look of who they were so they stuck to being small and fitting into the stereotype they were being given.\r\n\r\nParenting prejudice and its effects is another hard obstacle, but we have to think about how we talk to our children about it.  From a very young age children begin to notice difference; as parents we have an opportunity in that moment to teach our children our family value about when they make choices based on the difference of another.  We have to think about how we will parent our children when another is judging or rejecting our children because they are being seen as different.  It provides an opportunity to look within our own value system and explain the other person’s response to how our child is different to them.  I challenge you to stay away from blame, simplicity, or avoidance.  In my experience being a therapist and being someone targeted by prejudice, these three choices do not fix the problem.\r\n\r\nFinally this brings me to the hardest experience thus far of being Hispanic in the United States, raising my children with a sense of their heritage.  I have spoken to them in Spanish since they were born, but continued to speak to my Cuban American husband in English. My children have chosen English and only discovered the importance of Spanish recently when we went to visit my family in Bogota.  I expose them to Colombian and Cuban foods and our music like merengue, salsa, and my favorite, Colombian vallenato.  As a result they experience La Carreta as the place they get soup or rice and beans and they each love to drink Maracuya at the Colombian restaurant.  However, they do not know innately about the heritage or the reasons behind the foods, music, and drinks; they just know that it is what we do as a family.  The most important part of these experiences is the experience my children are having of us as a family.  My husband and I are bi-cultural.  We have both experienced two cultures, two ways of being and we have both chosen from each to become who we are.  My children get the result of bi-cultural parents exposing them to what they know the world to be.  We eat fried chicken and chicharron with a side of black beans and rice and if mommy is in the mood she makes them Maracuya juice while we listen to Bruno Mars.  Mommy speaks to Daddy in Spanish and Daddy responds in English.  In parenting heritage what I feel is most important is to pass on your own experience, your truth, your authenticity, unapologetically and then witness how your children choose and become new citizens of this great world.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Hispanic Heritage: my parents, my children, and me.                    By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','publish','open','open','','hispanic-heritage-my-parents-my-children-and-me-by-lina-acosta-sandaal-ma','','','2013-12-19 23:35:38','2013-12-19 23:35:38','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=131',0,'post','',0),(132,3,'2013-10-16 17:32:52','2013-10-16 17:32:52','','linaColombiana','','inherit','open','open','','linacolombiana','','','2013-10-16 17:32:52','2013-10-16 17:32:52','',131,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/linaColombiana.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(87,3,'2013-09-11 01:46:06','2013-09-11 01:46:06','','process hands','','inherit','open','open','','process-hands','','','2013-09-11 01:46:06','2013-09-11 01:46:06','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/process-hands.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(136,3,'2013-10-24 01:38:44','2013-10-24 01:38:44','','80','','inherit','open','open','','80','','','2013-10-24 01:38:44','2013-10-24 01:38:44','',135,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/80.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(137,3,'2013-10-24 01:40:14','2013-10-24 01:40:14','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=136\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-136\"><img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-136\" alt=\"80\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/80.jpg\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" /></a>I was speaking to a preschool teacher recently who communicated that something really interesting is happening to her preschool class. She stated that her students were very intelligent and that most of them recognized letters, knew their numbers and their colors, She found that wonderful, but she bemoaned the fact that none of them had any type of life skill or emotional and social skill at four years of age.  She wondered, “What’s going on?  Why aren\'t they getting that?  What has happened?”   My answer to her was a tough one. What I see constantly is that there has been a shift in culture.   It seems that most parents are very worried about the academics but seem to have forgotten or overlooked the part that makes or change a person, which is the social emotional learning, the character building necessary to be able to learn to be citizens of the world.\r\n\r\nA study found that IQ is only 20% of a person\'s possibility to thrive and be happy in the world and work <a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\">(Goleman</a><a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\"> 2006),</a>  yet parents tend to prefer to concentrate mostly on that 20% of how our children can be happy.   I know that for many parents, including myself, our greatest goal is for our child to be happy and fulfilled, yet we forget about the other 80% percent that will help them accomplish this.   We rob them of the experience of being independent by doing simple things like spoon feeding them past the time they can developmentally hold a spoon(18mo-2y.o.) or speak to their teacher about their grade instead of allowing the teen to advocate for themselves.  We take away the life experience of feeling fear, frustration, disappointment, and/or regret.\r\n\r\nI understand that the parent spoon feeding their toddler or advocating for their teen with an embittered teacher is a way for us to love and protect our children, but at what cost?  My belief is that these actions are led by fear.  We fear that if our children are not academically ready, they will not make it to the best college, and will not get that exceptional job, and we will have failed them as a parent.  Academic success is tangible and concrete.  Social, emotional and moral success is intangible and ambiguous and in this world of constantly assessing our success by our exterior rather than our interior experience, we choose short term and tangible instead of long term and ambiguous.  The cost is high for the child and our society.  What psychologists, scientists, and neurologists know is that without being able to handle emotion, without being able to be independent, without being able to have had the experience of creativity and exploration, that child may be able to get into Harvard, but their anxiety level will probably take them out of the school within the first semester of their freshman year.  They may graduate from Harvard and get the stellar job, but when you ask them are you happy, they will probably respond in the negative because they are stuck with the trappings of a life put upon them, rather than a life they have independently chosen, felt, and explored authentically.\r\n\r\nWhat is it about social and emotional learning and independence that makes us as parents fearful? Sometimes the answer is that we, as humans, are also avoiding feelings that we deem negative and uncomfortable and when we experience them in our children we want to avoid them or make them go away.  Helping a child be socially and emotionally competent asks us as parents to tolerate and experience these dark and negative feelings.   It is much easier to control food, books, colors, and academic achievement, so we are then making the easier choice.  My challenge to you is to feel the discomfort or the fear and get into the 80% skills that will truly help your children thrive and be happy.','Helping your Child Secure Happiness by Focusing on the 80%.   by Lina Acosta Sandaal','','inherit','open','open','','135-revision-v1','','','2013-10-24 01:40:14','2013-10-24 01:40:14','',135,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=137',0,'revision','',0),(176,3,'2013-12-19 23:35:38','2013-12-19 23:35:38','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=132\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-132\"><img class=\" wp-image-132 alignleft\" alt=\"linaColombiana\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/linaColombiana.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"674\" /></a>Yesterday marked the end of Hispanic Heritage month and for the first time in a while I was actually conscious of it.  It had me thinking about what my Hispanic heritage means to me, to my parenting, to my children, and to the work that I do.  I realized I have had three different experiences being Hispanic in the United States. The first is as a Colombian immigrant.  My parents brought me here as a child, and like many immigrants my dad’s goal was to give a better life to his family.  The second experience is when I left Miami and experiencing what it was like to be the minority.  Up until the point I left Miami, I had never felt different.  My current experience is that of a Hispanic parent, one attempting to pass along a Hispanic heritage to my children.\r\n\r\nBeing raised by Colombian parents was not easy. I came here very young and for all intents and purposes I was the “gringa” in the Colombian house.  Often I was told that I was too sensitive like the “gringos” or too this or too that because my parents experienced me as different from them.  Here was this American teenager walking into a Colombian household.   The truth was that I wasn\'t an American and I wasn\'t Colombian: I was somewhere in-between. Today I realize that I was bi-cultural.  I also understand how hard it was for my parents to look at their child and not recognize me because I had become part of the bigger culture.  The first response of most parents is to attempt to keep their children like them.  However they\'re being exposed to a bigger culture.  They go to an American school with American teachers with American culture surrounding them.  The parenting task at hand is to accept and witness how your children grow up in two cultures.  Be willing to give your child the opportunity to take a look at both cultures and choose what they love best, a little bit of your culture, a little bit of what the United States gives them.  Take moments and attempt to see the world through their eyes and see this new world together.  If you explore your country of origin’s culture and then become detectives together about the culture of the United States then both of you can grow and change together.\r\n\r\nThis brings me to my next experience of being Hispanic in the United States. I never felt like a minority or like “the other” growing up in Miami.  My experience in Miami was that we were all Latino and even my blonde American friend was Latino somehow.  When I left Miami to go to college in Boston was when I learned that I was “brown”.  The idea of being minority, complete with stereotypes was really difficult and interesting.  I was observing white privilege from this objective perspective because up to that point it had not truly affected me personally.  Now my heritage, my culture, even my facial features were being scrutinized as different and less than.  It was interesting to know that for some of those I encountered my physical and cultural difference made them choose to not bother getting to know me.  This continued from college, to my move to California, and into my professional life as a therapist in L.A.   As a therapist I was able to experience what being “the other” meant and how it shaped the teens I helped.  This idea of difference and being judged by external factors caused some teens to reject their parents’ culture because they were being discriminated against and for others it gave them a myopic look of who they were so they stuck to being small and fitting into the stereotype they were being given.\r\n\r\nParenting prejudice and its effects is another hard obstacle, but we have to think about how we talk to our children about it.  From a very young age children begin to notice difference; as parents we have an opportunity in that moment to teach our children our family value about when they make choices based on the difference of another.  We have to think about how we will parent our children when another is judging or rejecting our children because they are being seen as different.  It provides an opportunity to look within our own value system and explain the other person’s response to how our child is different to them.  I challenge you to stay away from blame, simplicity, or avoidance.  In my experience being a therapist and being someone targeted by prejudice, these three choices do not fix the problem.\r\n\r\nFinally this brings me to the hardest experience thus far of being Hispanic in the United States, raising my children with a sense of their heritage.  I have spoken to them in Spanish since they were born, but continued to speak to my Cuban American husband in English. My children have chosen English and only discovered the importance of Spanish recently when we went to visit my family in Bogota.  I expose them to Colombian and Cuban foods and our music like merengue, salsa, and my favorite, Colombian vallenato.  As a result they experience La Carreta as the place they get soup or rice and beans and they each love to drink Maracuya at the Colombian restaurant.  However, they do not know innately about the heritage or the reasons behind the foods, music, and drinks; they just know that it is what we do as a family.  The most important part of these experiences is the experience my children are having of us as a family.  My husband and I are bi-cultural.  We have both experienced two cultures, two ways of being and we have both chosen from each to become who we are.  My children get the result of bi-cultural parents exposing them to what they know the world to be.  We eat fried chicken and chicharron with a side of black beans and rice and if mommy is in the mood she makes them Maracuya juice while we listen to Bruno Mars.  Mommy speaks to Daddy in Spanish and Daddy responds in English.  In parenting heritage what I feel is most important is to pass on your own experience, your truth, your authenticity, unapologetically and then witness how your children choose and become new citizens of this great world.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Hispanic Heritage: my parents, my children, and me.                    By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','131-revision-v1','','','2013-12-19 23:35:38','2013-12-19 23:35:38','',131,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/131-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(146,3,'2013-11-07 00:44:59','2013-11-07 00:44:59','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=149\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-149\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-149 alignleft\" alt=\"Holidaychooseyou\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holidaychooseyou.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"269\" /></a>Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.<!--more-->  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.\r\n\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','publish','open','open','','greet-the-holiday-season-with-awareness-by-lina-acosta-sandaal-ma','','','2014-01-10 03:05:00','2014-01-10 03:05:00','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=146',0,'post','',0),(135,3,'2013-10-24 01:41:50','2013-10-24 01:41:50','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=136\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-136\"><img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-136\" alt=\"80\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/80.jpg\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" /></a>I was speaking to a preschool teacher recently who communicated that something really interesting is happening to her preschool class. She stated that her students were very intelligent and that most of them recognized letters, knew their numbers and their colors, She found that wonderful, but she bemoaned the fact that none of them had any type of life skill or emotional and social skill at four years of age.  She wondered, “What’s going on?  Why aren\'t they getting that?  What has happened?”   My answer to her was a tough one. What I see<!--more--> constantly is that there has been a shift in culture.   It seems that most parents are very worried about the academics but seem to have forgotten or overlooked the part that makes or change a person, which is the social emotional learning, the character building necessary to be able to learn to be citizens of the world.\r\n\r\nA study found that IQ is only 20% of a person\'s possibility to thrive and be happy in the world and work <a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\">(Goleman</a><a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\"> 2006),</a>  yet parents tend to prefer to concentrate mostly on that 20% of how our children can be happy.   I know that for many parents, including myself, our greatest goal is for our child to be happy and fulfilled, yet we forget about the other 80% percent that will help them accomplish this.   We rob them of the experience of being independent by doing simple things like spoon feeding them past the time they can developmentally hold a spoon(18mo-2y.o.) or speak to their teacher about their grade instead of allowing the teen to advocate for themselves.  We take away the life experience of feeling fear, frustration, disappointment, and/or regret.\r\n\r\nI understand that the parent spoon feeding their toddler or advocating for their teen with an embittered teacher is a way for us to love and protect our children, but at what cost?  My belief is that these actions are led by fear.  We fear that if our children are not academically ready, they will not make it to the best college, and will not get that exceptional job, and we will have failed them as a parent.  Academic success is tangible and concrete.  Social, emotional and moral success is intangible and ambiguous and in this world of constantly assessing our success by our exterior rather than our interior experience, we choose short term and tangible instead of long term and ambiguous.  The cost is high for the child and our society.  What psychologists, scientists, and neurologists know is that without being able to handle emotion, without being able to be independent, without being able to have had the experience of creativity and exploration, that child may be able to get into Harvard, but their anxiety level will probably take them out of the school within the first semester of their freshman year.  They may graduate from Harvard and get the stellar job, but when you ask them are you happy, they will probably respond in the negative because they are stuck with the trappings of a life put upon them, rather than a life they have independently chosen, felt, and explored authentically.\r\n\r\nWhat is it about social and emotional learning and independence that makes us as parents fearful? Sometimes the answer is that we, as humans, are also avoiding feelings that we deem negative and uncomfortable and when we experience them in our children we want to avoid them or make them go away.  Helping a child be socially and emotionally competent asks us as parents to tolerate and experience these dark and negative feelings.   It is much easier to control food, books, colors, and academic achievement, so we are then making the easier choice.  My challenge to you is to feel the discomfort or the fear and get into the 80% skills that will truly help your children thrive and be happy.','Helping Your Child Secure Happiness by Focusing on the 80%.           by Lina Acosta Sandaal','','publish','open','open','','helping-your-child-secure-happiness-by-focusing-on-the-80-by-lina-acosta-sandaal','','','2014-01-10 03:07:53','2014-01-10 03:07:53','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=135',0,'post','',0),(347,3,'2014-10-30 21:30:54','2014-10-30 21:30:54','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.<!--more-->  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:30:54','2014-10-30 21:30:54','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(133,3,'2013-10-16 17:37:40','2013-10-16 17:37:40','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=132\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-132\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-132 alignleft\" alt=\"linaColombiana\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/linaColombiana.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"843\" /></a>Yesterday marked the end of Hispanic Heritage month and for the first time in a while I was actually conscious of it.  It had me thinking about what my Hispanic heritage means to me, to my parenting, to my children, and to the work that I do.  I realized I have had three different experiences being Hispanic in the United States. The first is as a Colombian immigrant.  My parents brought me here as a child, and like many immigrants my dad’s goal was to give a better life to his family.  The second experience is when I left Miami and experiencing what it was like to be the minority.  Up until the point I left Miami, I had never felt different.  My current experience is that of a Hispanic parent, one attempting to pass along a Hispanic heritage to my children.\r\n\r\nBeing raised by Colombian parents was not easy. I came here very young and for all intents and purposes I was the “gringa” in the Colombian house.  Often I was told that I was too sensitive like the “gringos” or too this or too that because my parents experienced me as different from them.  Here was this American teenager walking into a Colombian household.   The truth was that I wasn\'t an American and I wasn\'t Colombian: I was somewhere in-between. Today I realize that I was bi-cultural.  I also understand how hard it was for my parents to look at their child and not recognize me because I had become part of the bigger culture.  The first response of most parents is to attempt to keep their children like them.  However they\'re being exposed to a bigger culture.  They go to an American school with American teachers with American culture surrounding them.  The parenting task at hand is to accept and witness how your children grow up in two cultures.  Be willing to give your child the opportunity to take a look at both cultures and choose what they love best, a little bit of your culture, a little bit of what the United States gives them.  Take moments and attempt to see the world through their eyes and see this new world together.  If you explore your country of origin’s culture and then become detectives together about the culture of the United States then both of you can grow and change together.\r\n\r\nThis brings me to my next experience of being Hispanic in the United States. I never felt like a minority or like “the other” growing up in Miami.  My experience in Miami was that we were all Latino and even my blonde American friend was Latino somehow.  When I left Miami to go to college in Boston was when I learned that I was “brown”.  The idea of being minority, complete with stereotypes was really difficult and interesting.  I was observing white privilege from this objective perspective because up to that point it had not truly affected me personally.  Now my heritage, my culture, even my facial features were being scrutinized as different and less than.  It was interesting to know that for some of those I encountered my physical and cultural difference made them choose to not bother getting to know me.  This continued from college, to my move to California, and into my professional life as a therapist in L.A.   As a therapist I was able to experience what being “the other” meant and how it shaped the teens I helped.  This idea of difference and being judged by external factors caused some teens to reject their parents’ culture because they were being discriminated against and for others it gave them a myopic look of who they were so they stuck to being small and fitting into the stereotype they were being given.\r\n\r\nParenting prejudice and its effects is another hard obstacle, but we have to think about how we talk to our children about it.  From a very young age children begin to notice difference; as parents we have an opportunity in that moment to teach our children our family value about when they make choices based on the difference of another.  We have to think about how we will parent our children when another is judging or rejecting our children because they are being seen as different.  It provides an opportunity to look within our own value system and explain the other person’s response to how our child is different to them.  I challenge you to stay away from blame, simplicity, or avoidance.  In my experience being a therapist and being someone targeted by prejudice, these three choices do not fix the problem.\r\n\r\nFinally this brings me to the hardest experience thus far of being Hispanic in the United States, raising my children with a sense of their heritage.  I have spoken to them in Spanish since they were born, but continued to speak to my Cuban American husband in English. My children have chosen English and only discovered the importance of Spanish recently when we went to visit my family in Bogota.  I expose them to Colombian and Cuban foods and our music like merengue, salsa, and my favorite, Colombian vallenato.  As a result they experience La Carreta as the place they get soup or rice and beans and they each love to drink Maracuya at the Colombian restaurant.  However, they do not know innately about the heritage or the reasons behind the foods, music, and drinks; they just know that it is what we do as a family.  The most important part of these experiences is the experience my children are having of us as a family.  My husband and I are bi-cultural.  We have both experienced two cultures, two ways of being and we have both chosen from each to become who we are.  My children get the result of bi-cultural parents exposing them to what they know the world to be.  We eat fried chicken and chicharron with a side of black beans and rice and if mommy is in the mood she makes them Maracuya juice while we listen to Bruno Mars.  Mommy speaks to Daddy in Spanish and Daddy responds in English.  In parenting heritage what I feel is most important is to pass on your own experience, your truth, your authenticity, unapologetically and then witness how your children choose and become new citizens of this great world.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Hispanic Heritage: my parents, my children, and me.   By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','131-revision-v1','','','2013-10-16 17:37:40','2013-10-16 17:37:40','',131,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=133',0,'revision','',0),(104,3,'2013-09-17 17:45:44','2013-09-17 17:45:44','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-102 alignright\" alt=\"choose compassion blog\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/choose-compassion-blog.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"302\" /></a>I just spent three days at the <a href=\"https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts\">Hispana Leadership Summit</a>, a meeting of Latina professionals from around the country.  When planning for the event, I was ready to network, learn, and move The Nest community forward.  In reality, what I experienced was far more powerful.  My experience of the highly successful Latinas at the summit was that everyone had individually decided that being compassionate, inspirational and empowering was her choice for the weekend.  The experience started me thinking about a truth in motherhood and parenting; we judge one another.  The judgment takes different forms like books, advice columns/blogs, discipline styles, and moments at the park/school.  My experience at the summit proved that when we choose to be supportive and compassionate, we all benefit from the growth and the vulnerability of being human together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://brenebrown.com/\">Brene Brown</a>, a researcher on shame, guilt and vulnerability writes in her books that shame is only neutralized by vulnerability.  However, to maneuver vulnerability one most dare greatly, feel empathy, and practice compassion for the other.  Brown writes, “Compassion is not a virtue – it is a commitment.  It’s not something we have or don’t have – it’s something we choose to practice.”<a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592403352/wwwbrenebrown-20\"> (Brown, 2007)</a>   Often as parents we choose not to have compassion for the other or for ourselves.  We watch, judge, and wonder why this mother is letting her kid do x,y,z.  We judge ourselves thinking, we are doing it all wrong, not spending enough time with our child, spending too much time with our child, not getting the homework right, nagging about the homework, sleeping with baby or sleep training baby, on and on.  These thoughts, judgments, and self-degradation get us nowhere but stuck.  Choosing compassion instead would give us room to breathe.\r\n\r\nThat being said, judgment is an automatic response of our brain to make sense of our world.  Brown and most neurologists understand that the brain tends to make lists and logic maps on our everyday choices and experiences.  The brain is often thought of as obtaining information to help us learn when the truth is the brain obtains information to help us stay alive.  Jump to being a parent and having to keep yourself and your offspring alive.  Our children place us on overdrive when it comes to making lists and “getting it right”.  The next time you catch yourself judging another parent remind yourself, “ I am comparing my parent list to their parent list.”  Your brain is reminding you what you know thus far as a parent.  Give yourself and the other parent a break and take a moment to speak to your brain by saying, “thanks for the reminder of how I have chosen to do things.  I’m sure her brain has another list for her experience”.  It is one tool in moving towards fostering compassion for yourself and the other.\r\n\r\nI am grateful** that I was able to experience The <a href=\"https://www.facebook.com/HispanaLeadershipSummit?fref=ts\" target=\"_blank\">Hispana Leadership Summit</a> and remind myself that compassion and empowerment is always the answer when relating to myself, another parent, or my children.  It is simple and at the same time, extremely hard.  Like most things that are worth obtaining, compassion is something that must be practiced before it is mastered.  The women at the summit taught me that it can be sustained.  The parents at The Nest show me that it helps them grow.  My children benefit when I can choose it in our daily lives.  I hope most of you will choose compassion and empowerment when relating to another parent and yourself.  I am certain it will shift your reality for the better.\r\n\r\n<i>**A special thank you to </i><a href=\"http://www.lulyb.com/\"><i>LulyB</i></a><i> for inviting us to experience this amazing event.  Thank you Luly!</i>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone  wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>','Choosing Compassion    by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','100-revision-v1','','','2013-09-17 17:45:44','2013-09-17 17:45:44','',100,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/100-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(338,3,'2014-10-30 21:25:44','2014-10-30 21:25:44','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"><!--moremore--></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:25:44','2014-10-30 21:25:44','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(333,3,'2014-10-30 21:27:30','2014-10-30 21:27:30','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n-- originally published in <a href=\"http://goodmenproject.com/families/boys/megasahd-sensitive-son-place-world/\" target=\"_blank\">The Good Men Project</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-sensitive-son-and-his-place-in-the-world/2014-10-15-09-09-32/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignright wp-image-334 size-medium\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.<!--more-->  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','publish','open','open','','my-sensitive-son-and-his-place-in-the-world','','','2014-10-30 21:30:54','2014-10-30 21:30:54','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?p=333',0,'post','',0),(334,3,'2014-10-30 21:21:46','2014-10-30 21:21:46','','2014-10-15 09.09.32','','inherit','open','open','','2014-10-15-09-09-32','','','2014-10-30 21:21:46','2014-10-30 21:21:46','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(178,3,'2014-01-10 02:31:45','2014-01-10 02:31:45','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/why-your-mom-feeding-you-keeps-you-from-successfully-keeping-your-2014-resolution/2014-resolutions/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-180\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-180\" alt=\"2014 Resolutions\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/2014-Resolutions.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"488\" /></a>By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nThis time of year is always interesting to be a therapist.  It is the time when everyone is taking a look at themselves and attempting to see things in a new way and/or trying to change something about themselves, which is what I do with others on a year round basis.  My twitter feed was chock  full of articles and messages about new this, resolve that, change now, and it fills me with both joy and frustration.  The joy comes from feeling that everyone is out trying to get closer to their authenticity, which is my goal as a therapist, to assist others in finding their truest self.  I also feel frustration because come February most of those hopeful souls will have already gotten back to old patterns and away from the stream of change and resolution.  In the spirit of lasting change, here are my three steps on how you can make sure that this year you stick to<!--more--><strong> </strong>keeping those resolutions.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 1 – Figure out WHY the action you are trying to change is actually serving you.</b>\r\n\r\nRemember Dr. Phil’s famous line, “How’s that working for you?” He used it in sarcasm more times than not, but if you answer this simple question truthfully you will be halfway to eliminating the bad habit or tendency.  Ask the question.  How does eating a plate full of dinner, Oreos, and ice cream at night work for me?  Well, maybe you stayed to your diet all day long and had that green juice smoothie from your new Vitamixer, but then at the end of the day, you fight with your husband, your child does not cooperate while doing his homework, and when everyone goes to bed you are drained.  You fill your heart and numb out the stress and frustration with a plate full of pork, beans and rice and then treat yourself with Oreos and ice cream, taking care of yourself emotionally.  This is because at one point in your life your mom took care of you while feeding you.  When she did that you felt comfort and safety.  Now as an adult after a night like that it makes sense that you would choose to comfort yourself with food.  This takes care of the need to feel safe and comfortable.  Also, blame the brain because that message of food as comfort is an old emotional memory held in your right brain.  So the overeating is working for you because you are stressed, lonely, tired, and hungry and food makes you feel safe and comforted.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 2 – Once you know why the old action works for you figure out HOW to replace it</b>\r\n\r\nIt is almost impossible to change behavior or old habits without replacing them with a new one.  The piece that a lot of people forget is that the behavior is linked to a need and/or an emotion.  If you did <b>Step 1 </b>correctly then you have figured out the need and the emotion attached to it.  In our previous example the need was to be comfortable and the feeling was safety.  So the question to ask yourself is if I want to be comfortable and safe and I have a long stressful day, what do I have to do besides <i>eat</i> to feel comfortable and safe?  This is not an easy task, coming up with an answer to that question can be excruciatingly painful and sometimes feel daunting.  That is why most people just want to change the behavior by ignoring the need and emotion.  But I promise you, if you can know the why, the how will come slowly, and soon you will have an answer, such as replacing the food with a soothing, comfortable bath.  That leads us to:\r\n\r\n<b>Step 3 – Change of any kind comes in bursts and regressions</b> –<b>sticking to your new action WHEN you fail is what brings the greatest change.</b>\r\n\r\nThe <a href=\"http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/\">statistics say</a> that 60% of people stick to their resolution past the first month.  This is  because change is not linear.  Once you decide to change and you take <b>step 1 and step 2</b>  I guarantee that you will have good and bad days and that is the human experience.  One more time we have to blame the brain.  In times of stress or high emotion the neurons that fire quickest are those that have been there the longest.  For example feeling safe and comfortable when we eat has probably been in the neural pathway since you were an infant and breastfeeding.  Taking a long bath and reading your favorite novel to feel comfortable and safe has been in your neural pathway for only two weeks.  Be gentle with yourself when once more you overeat.  The task at hand is to start over when you have a regression or  “bad day”.  There are very few people that can change cold turkey.  Think of neural pathways like a path in the grass, the one that has been walked on the longest has no grass and it’s easy to see and take.  The new path you are walking on still does not have a clear way; it has hidden rocks, snarling weeds, and unseen roots.  That being said if you keep going on the new path eventually it will wear in like the old one.  Simultaneously, the old path will grow grass and lose visibility.  That’s how the brain works.\r\n\r\nTake these steps. Give them a go. If you find that even when you figure out the HOW it still seems overwhelming, get some assistance, call a therapist or a good friend, and keep at it.  Change takes time.  Here’s to a great 2014 and to keeping at least one, if not all of your resolutions!','Why Your Mom Feeding You Keeps You From Successfully Keeping Your 2014 Resolution','','publish','open','open','','why-your-mom-feeding-you-keeps-you-from-successfully-keeping-your-2014-resolution','','','2014-01-10 02:31:45','2014-01-10 02:31:45','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?p=178',0,'post','',0),(115,3,'2013-09-25 12:35:41','2013-09-25 12:35:41','','Will Ferrell 2','','inherit','open','open','','will-ferrell-2','','','2013-09-25 12:35:41','2013-09-25 12:35:41','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Will-Ferrell-2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(117,3,'2013-09-25 12:38:55','2013-09-25 12:38:55','','Will Ferrell 2','We are all on the same team!','inherit','open','open','','will-ferrell-2-2','','','2013-09-25 12:38:55','2013-09-25 12:38:55','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Will-Ferrell-21.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(122,3,'2013-10-02 21:03:52','2013-10-02 21:03:52','','On Teens and Headphones blog','','inherit','open','open','','on-teens-and-headphones-blog','','','2013-10-02 21:03:52','2013-10-02 21:03:52','',121,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/On-Teens-and-Headphones-blog.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(124,3,'2013-10-02 21:08:21','2013-10-02 21:08:21','Last week, I was with a good friend of mine picking her brain about marketing and business things since she is very adept at them.  She told me that we needed a picture of an angry-looking teen, wearing over-sized headphones to help us generate interest.  I must have made a face because she quickly asked me what I thought.  I told her that at the nest we like to look at the strengths of families and children, that I understand how it is difficult to be the parent of the uninterested adolescent buried in his headphones.   However, I knew in my heart and through my experience working with teens in therapy that the headphones and the distance tell a story.  She smirked and as old friends do, told me the truth, “Lina, I can’t wait until your kids are teens. We will see…”\r\n\r\nShe stopped me in my tracks.  She made me take a moment to process and wonder what will it be like when my little 8-year-old and 5-year-old turn 18 and 15. I will be surprised when they do become adolescents, but as Oprah says, one thing I know for sure, I will be mourning the loss of my little people and that will be my greatest challenge.\r\n\r\nLoss, regret, sadness, anger and guilt:   these feelings predominate during the transition from adolescence for both the parent and the child.  The primary task of development during adolescence is integrating values, education, and life experiences in order to graduate to the independence of adulthood.  This task is a betrayal and a loss for the parent.  It’s the little secret of which no one speaks:  the nights of feeling regret for not spending more time with your child when they still wanted you; the anger and shame of feeling rejected when your teens says, “leave me alone”; the sadness that your little one is now becoming a man or woman and soon will leave; and the guilt of wishing they would stop changing.  The adolescent feels the loss of being able to go to mom and dad when scared or lost in the fear of seeming like a kid rather than an emerging adult.  The teen feels the anger and guilt of knowing they are hurting their parent out of a normal and ordinary search for identity.  One teen may blame mom and dad for the guilt they feel.  Another may attempt to make everyone happy at the expense of finding their authentic self and then entering adulthood lost as to who they truly are.  Adolescence is hard on both parent and child. Allow yourself to give this transition the respect and patience it deserves by allowing all involved to feel the difficult feelings, tolerate them, and recover from them to find at the end that one more time parent and child has transformed together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;',' On Teens and What is Really Going on Inside of the Headphones   by  Lina Acosta Sandaal','','inherit','open','open','','121-revision-v1','','','2013-10-02 21:08:21','2013-10-02 21:08:21','',121,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=124',0,'revision','',0),(123,3,'2013-10-02 21:07:20','2013-10-02 21:07:20','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/On-Teens-and-Headphones-blog.jpg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-122 alignright\" alt=\"On Teens and Headphones blog\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/On-Teens-and-Headphones-blog.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"302\" /></a>Last week, I was with a good friend of mine picking her brain about marketing and business things since she is very adept at them.  She told me that we needed a picture of an angry-looking teen, wearing over-sized headphones to help us generate interest.  I must have made a face because she quickly asked me what I thought.  I told her that at the nest we like to look at the strengths of families and children, that I understand how it is difficult to be the parent of the uninterested adolescent buried in his headphones.   However, I knew in my heart and through my experience working with teens in therapy that the headphones and the distance tell a story.  She smirked and as old friends do, told me the truth, “Lina, I can’t wait until your kids are teens. We will see…”\r\n\r\nShe stopped me in my tracks.  She made me take a moment to process and wonder what will it be like when my little 8-year-old and 5-year-old turn 18 and 15. I will be surprised when they do become adolescents, but as Oprah says, one thing I know for sure, I will be mourning the loss of my little people and that will be my greatest challenge.\r\n\r\nLoss, regret, sadness, anger and guilt:   these feelings predominate during the transition from adolescence for both the parent and the child.  The primary task of development during adolescence is integrating values, education, and life experiences in order to graduate to the independence of adulthood.  This task is a betrayal and a loss for the parent.  It’s the little secret of which no one speaks:  the nights of feeling regret for not spending more time with your child when they still wanted you; the anger and shame of feeling rejected when your teens says, “leave me alone”; the sadness that your little one is now becoming a man or woman and soon will leave; and the guilt of wishing they would stop changing.  The adolescent feels the loss of being able to go to mom and dad when scared or lost in the fear of seeming like a kid rather than an emerging adult.  The teen feels the anger and guilt of knowing they are hurting their parent out of a normal and ordinary search for identity.  One teen may blame mom and dad for the guilt they feel.  Another may attempt to make everyone happy at the expense of finding their authentic self and then entering adulthood lost as to who they truly are.  Adolescence is hard on both parent and child. Allow yourself to give this transition the respect and patience it deserves by allowing all involved to feel the difficult feelings, tolerate them, and recover from them to find at the end that one more time parent and child has transformed together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;',' On Teens and What is Really Going on Inside of the Headphones   by  Lina Acosta Sandaal','','inherit','open','open','','121-revision-v1','','','2013-10-02 21:07:20','2013-10-02 21:07:20','',121,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=123',0,'revision','',0),(125,3,'2013-10-02 21:08:51','2013-10-02 21:08:51','Last week, I was with a good friend of mine picking her brain about marketing and business things since she is very adept at them.  She told me that we needed a picture of an angry-looking teen, wearing over-sized headphones to help us generate interest.  I must have made a face because she quickly asked me what I thought.  I told her that at the nest we like to look at the strengths of families and children, that I understand how it is difficult to be the parent of the uninterested adolescent buried in his headphones.   However, I knew in my heart and through my experience working with teens in therapy that the headphones and the distance tell a story.  She smirked and as old friends do, told me the truth, “Lina, I can’t wait until your kids are teens. We will see…”\r\n\r\nShe stopped me in my tracks.  She made me take a moment to process and wonder what will it be like when my little 8-year-old and 5-year-old turn 18 and 15. I will be surprised when they do become adolescents, but as Oprah says, one thing I know for sure, I will be mourning the loss of my little people and that will be my greatest challenge.\r\n\r\nLoss, regret, sadness, anger and guilt:   these feelings predominate during the transition from adolescence for both the parent and the child.  The primary task of development during adolescence is integrating values, education, and life experiences in order to graduate to the independence of adulthood.  This task is a betrayal and a loss for the parent.  It’s the little secret of which no one speaks:  the nights of feeling regret for not spending more time with your child when they still wanted you; the anger and shame of feeling rejected when your teens says, “leave me alone”; the sadness that your little one is now becoming a man or woman and soon will leave; and the guilt of wishing they would stop changing.  The adolescent feels the loss of being able to go to mom and dad when scared or lost in the fear of seeming like a kid rather than an emerging adult.  The teen feels the anger and guilt of knowing they are hurting their parent out of a normal and ordinary search for identity.  One teen may blame mom and dad for the guilt they feel.  Another may attempt to make everyone happy at the expense of finding their authentic self and then entering adulthood lost as to who they truly are.  Adolescence is hard on both parent and child. Allow yourself to give this transition the respect and patience it deserves by allowing all involved to feel the difficult feelings, tolerate them, and recover from them to find at the end that one more time parent and child has transformed together.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72\" alt=\"Nest_Flyer_Bottom\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Nest_Flyer_Bottom.jpg\" width=\"2400\" height=\"284\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;',' On Teens and What is Really Going on Inside of the Headphones   by  Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','121-revision-v1','','','2013-10-02 21:08:51','2013-10-02 21:08:51','',121,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=125',0,'revision','',0),(128,3,'2013-10-09 23:55:17','2013-10-09 23:55:17','','easy, slow to warm, difficult','','inherit','open','open','','easy-slow-to-warm-difficult','','','2013-10-09 23:55:17','2013-10-09 23:55:17','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/easy-slow-to-warm-difficult.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(335,3,'2014-10-30 21:22:50','2014-10-30 21:22:50','<blockquote style=\"color: #333333;\">\r\n<h2>As a therapist, I know that our society does not let boys and men have big feelings.</h2>\r\n--\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-334\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014-10-15-09.09.32-e1414704143288-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"2014-10-15 09.09.32\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a></blockquote>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\"><!--moremore--></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">His little arms wraps around my neck and he tells me he loves.  We tell each other that it is okay to have big feelings.  We are the pair in the family that can feel happiness at a ten and anger at a ten.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">That day I had been at a ten in anger and screamed at his father in front of him.  I was taking the quiet moment in the evening to narrate what had happened, and as he walked away to get into his bed, I was grateful.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He is six years old and has learned to accept his sensitivity and the lessons his emotions teach him.  At that moment I wondered, is that good or am I setting my son up for failure?  What I know as a therapist is that boys and men are not allowed by our society to have big feelings.  Actually the only feelings they are allowed to feel big are anger, guilt, lust, and sometimes love.  Love with measure so as not to be accused of being “wimpy”.  If I continue parenting my son to accept and honor his emotional states, he will reach a point in his social group where he will feel different.   So why do I parent him this way?</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">The first and most important reason is due to what I know and understand about neurology.  Our brain develops bottom to top, right to left.  Each of these areas has different tasks and objectives and for us to be able to use our brain to its full capacity it all has to integrate and work together.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “<a href=\"http://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/\" target=\"_blank\">mindsight</a>.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">If I ask my son to follow the norms of our society and neglect or ignore the information his feelings are giving him, then I am handicapping an aspect of his neurology.  He needs to be able to feel, tolerate, and recuperate from an emotion to achieve emotional intelligence.  Opting out or parenting away sadness so he can “be a man” only causes him to grow into a man that cannot feel, tolerate or recuperate from sadness, thus removing an aspect of his neurology that is needed for his brain to be fully integrated.  I would point out that some of what we see in the headlines recently in the NFL is a direct effect of asking a young boy to “be a man” and the accompanying injury to the full integration of their neurology.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"border-left: 2px solid; padding-left: 15px; margin: 0px 15px 15px 20px; float: right; clear: both; width: 350px;\">\r\n<table border=\"0.5\" width=\"350\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"right\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; font-family: georgia; color: #307d7e; line-height: 125%;\">If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</span></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n</div>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Most infant mental health experts know that infants are born with a particular temperament style.  Temperament is the way we understand and approach the world.  The nurses in the maternity ward are usually pretty adept at pinpointing if a baby is easy, slow to warm, or difficult (all labels of temperament).</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">My son’s temperament is easy, however his emotional response is high intensity, meaning that he has intense positive and negative reactions to his emotional state, as well as high sensitivity, which makes him sensitive to physical stimuli of sounds, taste, and other aspects of his senses. (<a href=\"http://www.ecmhc.org/temperament/02-introduction.html\">click here</a> to find your child’s temperament)  If I ask him to not feel big in an effort to conform to the norms of the society around him, then I ask him not to be authentic, to not be the person he was born to be.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">Finally, I know that feelings are not fact.  I did not make this phrase up and I’m uncertain who said it first, but it is so very true.  My son’s feelings and his expression of them do not make or break him.  My task as his mother is to help him choose the actions he will take once he feels disappointment with high intensity.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">He does pretty well most days and it has been a pretty difficult road for us as a family.  The first time I found society’s rule about how boys shouldn\'t be sensitive was from my son’s Kindergarten teacher.  She approached me surprised as she stated that my son had told her that he was a sensitive person and she should not ask him not to cry.  She told me this story with concern and a bit of judgment.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">But in that moment I was proud and I tend to hold that moment as proof that he may just be okay in the future when a friend calls him out on his sensitivity.  I am still unsure how it will all work out.  Society and cultural norms are pretty powerful and can become part of our psyche.  For now I will continue to accept my sensitive son.  My greatest wish is that all boys would be allowed to feel the full gamut of emotions and that we as a society stop asking them to only be strong.  I am certain it would change many aspects of what is violent, incomprehensible and disturbing in our culture today.  We were designed to feel all of our emotions, both men and women. Let’s stop negating them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"color: #333333;\">---</p>','My Sensitive Son and His Place in the World','','inherit','open','open','','333-revision-v1','','','2014-10-30 21:22:50','2014-10-30 21:22:50','',333,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/333-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(138,3,'2013-10-24 01:40:53','2013-10-24 01:40:53','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=136\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-136\"><img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-136\" alt=\"80\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/80.jpg\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" /></a>I was speaking to a preschool teacher recently who communicated that something really interesting is happening to her preschool class. She stated that her students were very intelligent and that most of them recognized letters, knew their numbers and their colors, She found that wonderful, but she bemoaned the fact that none of them had any type of life skill or emotional and social skill at four years of age.  She wondered, “What’s going on?  Why aren\'t they getting that?  What has happened?”   My answer to her was a tough one. What I see constantly is that there has been a shift in culture.   It seems that most parents are very worried about the academics but seem to have forgotten or overlooked the part that makes or change a person, which is the social emotional learning, the character building necessary to be able to learn to be citizens of the world.\r\n\r\nA study found that IQ is only 20% of a person\'s possibility to thrive and be happy in the world and work <a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\">(Goleman</a><a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\"> 2006),</a>  yet parents tend to prefer to concentrate mostly on that 20% of how our children can be happy.   I know that for many parents, including myself, our greatest goal is for our child to be happy and fulfilled, yet we forget about the other 80% percent that will help them accomplish this.   We rob them of the experience of being independent by doing simple things like spoon feeding them past the time they can developmentally hold a spoon(18mo-2y.o.) or speak to their teacher about their grade instead of allowing the teen to advocate for themselves.  We take away the life experience of feeling fear, frustration, disappointment, and/or regret.\r\n\r\nI understand that the parent spoon feeding their toddler or advocating for their teen with an embittered teacher is a way for us to love and protect our children, but at what cost?  My belief is that these actions are led by fear.  We fear that if our children are not academically ready, they will not make it to the best college, and will not get that exceptional job, and we will have failed them as a parent.  Academic success is tangible and concrete.  Social, emotional and moral success is intangible and ambiguous and in this world of constantly assessing our success by our exterior rather than our interior experience, we choose short term and tangible instead of long term and ambiguous.  The cost is high for the child and our society.  What psychologists, scientists, and neurologists know is that without being able to handle emotion, without being able to be independent, without being able to have had the experience of creativity and exploration, that child may be able to get into Harvard, but their anxiety level will probably take them out of the school within the first semester of their freshman year.  They may graduate from Harvard and get the stellar job, but when you ask them are you happy, they will probably respond in the negative because they are stuck with the trappings of a life put upon them, rather than a life they have independently chosen, felt, and explored authentically.\r\n\r\nWhat is it about social and emotional learning and independence that makes us as parents fearful? Sometimes the answer is that we, as humans, are also avoiding feelings that we deem negative and uncomfortable and when we experience them in our children we want to avoid them or make them go away.  Helping a child be socially and emotionally competent asks us as parents to tolerate and experience these dark and negative feelings.   It is much easier to control food, books, colors, and academic achievement, so we are then making the easier choice.  My challenge to you is to feel the discomfort or the fear and get into the 80% skills that will truly help your children thrive and be happy.','Helping Your Child Secure Happiness by Focusing on the 80%.           by Lina Acosta Sandaal','','inherit','open','open','','135-revision-v1','','','2013-10-24 01:40:53','2013-10-24 01:40:53','',135,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=138',0,'revision','',0),(141,3,'2013-10-30 22:21:30','2013-10-30 22:21:30','','playfunfamily','','inherit','open','open','','playfunfamily','','','2013-10-30 22:21:30','2013-10-30 22:21:30','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/playfunfamily.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(147,3,'2013-11-06 23:38:52','2013-11-06 23:38:52','Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.\r\n\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness','','inherit','open','open','','146-revision-v1','','','2013-11-06 23:38:52','2013-11-06 23:38:52','',146,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=147',0,'revision','',0),(148,3,'2013-11-06 23:39:20','2013-11-06 23:39:20','Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.\r\n\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','146-revision-v1','','','2013-11-06 23:39:20','2013-11-06 23:39:20','',146,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=148',0,'revision','',0),(149,3,'2013-11-06 23:39:58','2013-11-06 23:39:58','','Holidaychooseyou','','inherit','open','open','','holidaychooseyou','','','2013-11-06 23:39:58','2013-11-06 23:39:58','',146,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holidaychooseyou.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(151,3,'2013-11-07 00:44:48','2013-11-07 00:44:48','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=149\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-149\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-149 alignleft\" alt=\"Holidaychooseyou\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holidaychooseyou.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"269\" /></a>Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.\r\n\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','146-revision-v1','','','2013-11-07 00:44:48','2013-11-07 00:44:48','',146,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=151',0,'revision','',0),(150,3,'2013-11-06 23:40:28','2013-11-06 23:40:28','<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=149\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-149\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-149 aligncenter\" alt=\"Holidaychooseyou\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holidaychooseyou.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"269\" /></a>Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.</p>\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','146-revision-v1','','','2013-11-06 23:40:28','2013-11-06 23:40:28','',146,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=150',0,'revision','',0),(154,3,'2013-11-20 15:23:09','2013-11-20 15:23:09','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=155\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-155\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-155 alignleft\" alt=\"astheinternseesit\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/astheinternseesit.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"604\" /></a>After interning at <a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com\">The Nest</a> for a little over five months now, I have come to the conclusion that navigating the terrains of parenthood is never easy, and in most cases there is rarely only one good way to respond to any situation. Instead, most choices in parenting require a delicate balance between raising your kid with certain freedoms and limitations based on your value system and vision of who you want your child to grow up to be, and respecting the context you find yourself in at any given moment, and what would be considered appropriate within that situation.\r\n\r\nFor instance,<!--more--> one couple\'s values for their child were self-expression and independence, and they allotted for this in their child\'s world by safeguarding the bejeezus out of their home, and allowing their child complete freedom to explore every crevice to her little heart’s content. Fast forward several months later to music class, and their child is having the time of her life running around the room, exploring all of the instruments, examining other toddler\'s treasures, as the other parents in the room look on horrified. Therein lies the great dilemma of being an intentional parent. In this moment what is more important? Continuing to enforce your child\'s security and confidence by allowing them full access to this exciting new world that is music class? Or appeasing the other parents, who look nervous, annoyed, or downright offended? Your child doesn\'t seem to mind, but do you? It is scenarios such as these that are par for the course when it comes to parenting, and the \"right\" thing to do in a situation like this may be quite different depending on how you were raised, and what values you were taught growing up.\r\n\r\nThe gift that I see Alina and Lina giving these parents time and time again is the gift of empowerment. To remind parents that they are the experts on their children (<a href=\"http://www.brazeltontouchpoints.org/\">Brazelton,2001</a>), and it is their choices within their value system that truly measure their success and areas of growth in rearing these little humans into citizens of the world. Whether the parent ultimately redirects the child to join the rest of the class and sit still with one instrument, or continues to let their child explore (dirty looks and all), matters less than the feeling of congruence a parent experiences when their intentions align with their actions. As an intern, there’s nothing more rewarding then witnessing a couple’s sigh of relief when they are reminded of this, and given back their power as experts on their own children.','Empathy for Parents          by Courtnie Rodich','','publish','open','open','','empathy-for-parents-by-courtnie-rodich','','','2014-01-10 03:03:13','2014-01-10 03:03:13','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=154',0,'post','',0),(155,3,'2013-11-20 15:21:28','2013-11-20 15:21:28','','astheinternseesit','','inherit','open','open','','astheinternseesit','','','2013-11-20 15:21:28','2013-11-20 15:21:28','',154,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/astheinternseesit.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(156,3,'2013-11-20 15:22:24','2013-11-20 15:22:24','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=155\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-155\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-155 alignleft\" alt=\"astheinternseesit\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/astheinternseesit.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"604\" /></a>After interning at <a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com\">The Nest</a> for a little over five months now, I have come to the conclusion that navigating the terrains of parenthood is never easy, and in most cases there is rarely only one good way to respond to any situation. Instead, most choices in parenting require a delicate balance between raising your kid with certain freedoms and limitations based on your value system and vision of who you want your child to grow up to be, and respecting the context you find yourself in at any given moment, and what would be considered appropriate within that situation.\r\n\r\nFor instance, one couple\'s values for their child were self-expression and independence, and they allotted for this in their child\'s world by safeguarding the bejeezus out of their home, and allowing their child complete freedom to explore every crevice to her little heart’s content. Fast forward several months later to music class, and their child is having the time of her life running around the room, exploring all of the instruments, examining other toddler\'s treasures, as the other parents in the room look on horrified. Therein lies the great dilemma of being an intentional parent. In this moment what is more important? Continuing to enforce your child\'s security and confidence by allowing them full access to this exciting new world that is music class? Or appeasing the other parents, who look nervous, annoyed, or downright offended? Your child doesn\'t seem to mind, but do you? It is scenarios such as these that are par for the course when it comes to parenting, and the \"right\" thing to do in a situation like this may be quite different depending on how you were raised, and what values you were taught growing up.\r\n\r\nThe gift that I see Alina and Lina giving these parents time and time again is the gift of empowerment. To remind parents that they are the experts on their children (<a href=\"http://www.brazeltontouchpoints.org/\">Brazelton,2001</a>), and it is their choices within their value system that truly measure their success and areas of growth in rearing these little humans into citizens of the world. Whether the parent ultimately redirects the child to join the rest of the class and sit still with one instrument, or continues to let their child explore (dirty looks and all), matters less than the feeling of congruence a parent experiences when their intentions align with their actions. As an intern, there’s nothing more rewarding then witnessing a couple’s sigh of relief when they are reminded of this, and given back their power as experts on their own children.','Empathy for Parents   by Courtnie Rodich','','inherit','open','open','','154-revision-v1','','','2013-11-20 15:22:24','2013-11-20 15:22:24','',154,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=156',0,'revision','',0),(171,3,'2013-12-11 17:41:49','2013-12-11 17:41:49','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the<!--more--> possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-11 17:41:49','2013-12-11 17:41:49','',161,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(161,3,'2013-12-03 18:15:14','2013-12-03 18:15:14','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the<!--more--> possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','publish','open','open','','disneys-frozen-as-a-parenting-parable-by-lina-acosta-sandaal-ma','','','2013-12-11 18:38:32','2013-12-11 18:38:32','',0,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=161',0,'post','',0),(162,3,'2013-12-03 18:10:08','2013-12-03 18:10:08','','Frozen','','inherit','open','open','','frozen','','','2013-12-03 18:10:08','2013-12-03 18:10:08','',161,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(163,3,'2013-12-03 18:11:10','2013-12-03 18:11:10','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\" wp-image-162 alignright\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-03 18:11:10','2013-12-03 18:11:10','',161,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=163',0,'revision','',0),(164,3,'2013-12-03 18:12:27','2013-12-03 18:12:27','This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>In the beginning the parents are warned of the possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-03 18:12:27','2013-12-03 18:12:27','',161,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=164',0,'revision','',0),(165,3,'2013-12-03 18:13:47','2013-12-03 18:13:47','This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>In the beginning the parents are warned of the possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-03 18:13:47','2013-12-03 18:13:47','',161,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=165',0,'revision','',0),(166,3,'2013-12-11 18:36:01','2013-12-11 18:36:01','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the<!--more--> possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.\r\n\r\n[hr]\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://my.leadpages.net/leadbox/14531b173f72a2%3A1441d8c46b46dc/5688529564729344/\" target=\"_blank\">Click here to subscribe to my mailing list</a><script type=\"text/javascript\" src=\"//my.leadpages.net/leadbox-624.js\"></script>','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-autosave-v1','','','2013-12-11 18:36:01','2013-12-11 18:36:01','',161,'http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?p=166',0,'revision','',0),(168,3,'2013-12-11 02:09:06','2013-12-11 02:09:06','http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/cropped-NestHeaderWordpress.png','cropped-NestHeaderWordpress.png','','inherit','closed','open','','cropped-nestheaderwordpress-png','','','2013-12-11 02:09:06','2013-12-11 02:09:06','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/cropped-NestHeaderWordpress.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(169,3,'2013-12-11 17:25:44','2013-12-11 17:25:44','This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>In the beginning the parents are warned of the possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-11 17:25:44','2013-12-11 17:25:44','',161,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(170,3,'2013-12-11 17:37:54','2013-12-11 17:37:54','This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a><!--more-->In the beginning the parents are warned of the possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-11 17:37:54','2013-12-11 17:37:54','',161,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(275,3,'2014-06-04 18:46:17','2014-06-04 18:46:17','','nest-abstract057','','inherit','open','open','','nest-abstract057','','','2014-06-04 18:46:17','2014-06-04 18:46:17','',274,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/nest-abstract057.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(174,3,'2013-12-11 18:38:32','2013-12-11 18:38:32','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the<!--more--> possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-11 18:38:32','2013-12-11 18:38:32','',161,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(173,3,'2013-12-11 18:37:02','2013-12-11 18:37:02','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=162\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-162\"><img class=\"wp-image-162 alignleft\" alt=\"Frozen\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Frozen.jpg\" width=\"322\" height=\"182\" /></a>This past weekend I took my kids to see <i>Frozen, </i>the newest installment of the Disney Princess series. To my surprise, it presented an amazing story on parenting.  The film is about sisterhood, true love, and the results of giving into fear.  Interestingly, as seen through my professional lens it also teaches that the problems and conflicts faced by one of the sisters, Princess Elsa, could have been prevented if the parents would have intervened differently to her magical “curse/gift” of being able to create snow and cold.\r\n\r\nIn the beginning the parents are warned of the<!--more--> possible darkness her gift has if she feels fear or negative emotion.  They are also told about the light and the compassion it would have when she feels love and positive emotions.  In their quest to keep both of their daughters safe, they shut the kingdom out of their home and separate the siblings in an attempt to keep the “gifted” daughter from feeling any negative emotion.  The result is the story of the movie, which I will not ruin, but most importantly what it creates is a Princess overwhelmed and sure that her “negative feelings” will overpower her and hurt all those around her.\r\n\r\nThis is the parenting parable <i>Frozen</i> gives us.  Often as parents we attempt to keep our children from experiencing dark, scary, or angry feelings.  Parents make all sorts of choices to keep those feelings at bay.  In that process we send a message to the child that somehow dark/negative emotion is wrong or bad.  What that creates in a toddler, child or adolescent is a fear of the negative feelings.  They then create a habit of avoiding the feeling or acting out the feeling (i.e. throwing toys, slamming doors, biting) instead of expressing it.  Princess Elsa freezes an entire kingdom.\r\n\r\nJust the other day at our tantrum talk the primary question was “how do I keep them from being angry?” and my answer was, “I cannot help you with that”.  As human beings it is a healthy human response to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and afraid. When we ask our children not to be angry, we are asking them not to be human.  The task at hand is to help our children feel the feeling, tolerate the feeling and recuperate from the feeling.  We have to give them the language, the tools and the acceptance that those feelings flow in and out of us, so the child does not become a “victim” to the feeling. The sad truth is that there are a lot of adults in the world that avoid certain emotions.  Addiction to drugs, food and sex is an extreme form of emotional avoidance.  We eat when we are upset to not feel upset and then repeat this cycle.  There is a saying that I love: “feelings are not fact”.  What is fact is what we do with the information the feelings give us that makes or breaks the moment.\r\n\r\nI challenge each of you to learn from the extreme circumstances that the film poses and notice how Princess Elsa tries not to feel and see its results. The hard part about negative emotion is that it only feels better after we acknowledge them, feel them and then choose what we will do to make ourselves feel better.  If as parents we shut out the world so our children will be happy, we rob them of that process, which harms them when we place them in that world as adults.  I promise that if you let your children and teens feel all of the feelings in the spectrum they will become stronger for it and most importantly know that your love is true because you accept them completely.\r\n \r\nLike what you read? Want more? <a href=\"https://my.leadpages.net/leadbox/14531b173f72a2%3A1441d8c46b46dc/5688529564729344/\" target=\"_blank\">Click here to subscribe to my mailing list</a><script type=\"text/javascript\" src=\"//my.leadpages.net/leadbox-624.js\"></script>','Disney\'s Frozen as a Parenting Parable        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','161-revision-v1','','','2013-12-11 18:37:02','2013-12-11 18:37:02','',161,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(179,3,'2014-01-10 02:27:08','2014-01-10 02:27:08','&nbsp;\r\n\r\nBy Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nThis time of year is always interesting to be a therapist.  It is the time when everyone is taking a look at themselves and attempting to see things in a new way and/or trying to change something about themselves, which is what I do with others on a year round basis.  My twitter feed was chock  full of articles and messages about new this, resolve that, change now, and it fills me with both joy and frustration.  The joy comes from feeling that everyone is out trying to get closer to their authenticity, which is my goal as a therapist, to assist others in finding their truest self.  I also feel frustration because come February most of those hopeful souls will have already gotten back to old patterns and away from the stream of change and resolution.  In the spirit of lasting change, here are my three steps on how you can make sure that this year you stick to keeping those resolutions.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 1 – Figure out WHY the action you are trying to change is actually serving you.</b>\r\n\r\nRemember Dr. Phil’s famous line, “How’s that working for you?” He used it in sarcasm more times than not, but if you answer this simple question truthfully you will be halfway to eliminating the bad habit or tendency.  Ask the question.  How does eating a plate full of dinner, Oreos, and ice cream at night work for me?  Well, maybe you stayed to your diet all day long and had that green juice smoothie from your new Vitamixer, but then at the end of the day, you fight with your husband, your child does not cooperate while doing his homework, and when everyone goes to bed you are drained.  You fill your heart and numb out the stress and frustration with a plate full of pork, beans and rice and then treat yourself with Oreos and ice cream, taking care of yourself emotionally.  This is because at one point in your life your mom took care of you while feeding you.  When she did that you felt comfort and safety.  Now as an adult after a night like that it makes sense that you would choose to comfort yourself with food.  This takes care of the need to feel safe and comfortable.  Also, blame the brain because that message of food as comfort is an old emotional memory held in your right brain.  So the overeating is working for you because you are stressed, lonely, tired, and hungry and food makes you feel safe and comforted.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 2 – Once you know why the old action works for you figure out HOW to replace it</b>\r\n\r\nIt is almost impossible to change behavior or old habits without replacing them with a new one.  The piece that a lot of people forget is that the behavior is linked to a need and/or an emotion.  If you did <b>Step 1 </b>correctly then you have figured out the need and the emotion attached to it.  In our previous example the need was to be comfortable and the feeling was safety.  So the question to ask yourself is if I want to be comfortable and safe and I have a long stressful day, what do I have to do besides <i>eat</i> to feel comfortable and safe?  This is not an easy task, coming up with an answer to that question can be excruciatingly painful and sometimes feel daunting.  That is why most people just want to change the behavior by ignoring the need and emotion.  But I promise you, if you can know the why, the how will come slowly, and soon you will have an answer, such as replacing the food with a soothing, comfortable bath.  That leads us to:\r\n\r\n<b>Step 3 – Change of any kind comes in bursts and regressions</b> –<b>sticking to your new action WHEN you fail is what brings the greatest change.</b>\r\n\r\nThe <a href=\"http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/\">statistics say</a> that 60% of people stick to their resolution past the first month.  This is  because change is not linear.  Once you decide to change and you take <b>step 1 and step 2</b>  I guarantee that you will have good and bad days and that is the human experience.  One more time we have to blame the brain.  In times of stress or high emotion the neurons that fire quickest are those that have been there the longest.  For example feeling safe and comfortable when we eat has probably been in the neural pathway since you were an infant and breastfeeding.  Taking a long bath and reading your favorite novel to feel comfortable and safe has been in your neural pathway for only two weeks.  Be gentle with yourself when once more you overeat.  The task at hand is to start over when you have a regression or  “bad day”.  There are very few people that can change cold turkey.  Think of neural pathways like a path in the grass, the one that has been walked on the longest has no grass and it’s easy to see and take.  The new path you are walking on still does not have a clear way; it has hidden rocks, snarling weeds, and unseen roots.  That being said if you keep going on the new path eventually it will wear in like the old one.  Simultaneously, the old path will grow grass and lose visibility.  That’s how the brain works.\r\n\r\nTake these steps. Give them a go. If you find that even when you figure out the HOW it still seems overwhelming, get some assistance, call a therapist or a good friend, and keep at it.  Change takes time.  Here’s to a great 2014 and to keeping at least one, if not all of your resolutions!','Why Your Mom Feeding You Keeps You From Successfully Keeping Your 2014 Resolution','','inherit','open','open','','178-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 02:27:08','2014-01-10 02:27:08','',178,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/178-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(180,3,'2014-01-10 02:29:09','2014-01-10 02:29:09','','2014 Resolutions','','inherit','open','open','','2014-resolutions','','','2014-01-10 02:29:09','2014-01-10 02:29:09','',178,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/2014-Resolutions.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(181,3,'2014-01-10 02:30:24','2014-01-10 02:30:24','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=180\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-180\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-180\" alt=\"2014 Resolutions\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/2014-Resolutions.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"488\" /></a>By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nThis time of year is always interesting to be a therapist.  It is the time when everyone is taking a look at themselves and attempting to see things in a new way and/or trying to change something about themselves, which is what I do with others on a year round basis.  My twitter feed was chock  full of articles and messages about new this, resolve that, change now, and it fills me with both joy and frustration.  The joy comes from feeling that everyone is out trying to get closer to their authenticity, which is my goal as a therapist, to assist others in finding their truest self.  I also feel frustration because come February most of those hopeful souls will have already gotten back to old patterns and away from the stream of change and resolution.  In the spirit of lasting change, here are my three steps on how you can make sure that this year you stick to<!--more--><strong> </strong>keeping those resolutions.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 1 – Figure out WHY the action you are trying to change is actually serving you.</b>\r\n\r\nRemember Dr. Phil’s famous line, “How’s that working for you?” He used it in sarcasm more times than not, but if you answer this simple question truthfully you will be halfway to eliminating the bad habit or tendency.  Ask the question.  How does eating a plate full of dinner, Oreos, and ice cream at night work for me?  Well, maybe you stayed to your diet all day long and had that green juice smoothie from your new Vitamixer, but then at the end of the day, you fight with your husband, your child does not cooperate while doing his homework, and when everyone goes to bed you are drained.  You fill your heart and numb out the stress and frustration with a plate full of pork, beans and rice and then treat yourself with Oreos and ice cream, taking care of yourself emotionally.  This is because at one point in your life your mom took care of you while feeding you.  When she did that you felt comfort and safety.  Now as an adult after a night like that it makes sense that you would choose to comfort yourself with food.  This takes care of the need to feel safe and comfortable.  Also, blame the brain because that message of food as comfort is an old emotional memory held in your right brain.  So the overeating is working for you because you are stressed, lonely, tired, and hungry and food makes you feel safe and comforted.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 2 – Once you know why the old action works for you figure out HOW to replace it</b>\r\n\r\nIt is almost impossible to change behavior or old habits without replacing them with a new one.  The piece that a lot of people forget is that the behavior is linked to a need and/or an emotion.  If you did <b>Step 1 </b>correctly then you have figured out the need and the emotion attached to it.  In our previous example the need was to be comfortable and the feeling was safety.  So the question to ask yourself is if I want to be comfortable and safe and I have a long stressful day, what do I have to do besides <i>eat</i> to feel comfortable and safe?  This is not an easy task, coming up with an answer to that question can be excruciatingly painful and sometimes feel daunting.  That is why most people just want to change the behavior by ignoring the need and emotion.  But I promise you, if you can know the why, the how will come slowly, and soon you will have an answer, such as replacing the food with a soothing, comfortable bath.  That leads us to:\r\n\r\n<b>Step 3 – Change of any kind comes in bursts and regressions</b> –<b>sticking to your new action WHEN you fail is what brings the greatest change.</b>\r\n\r\nThe <a href=\"http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/\">statistics say</a> that 60% of people stick to their resolution past the first month.  This is  because change is not linear.  Once you decide to change and you take <b>step 1 and step 2</b>  I guarantee that you will have good and bad days and that is the human experience.  One more time we have to blame the brain.  In times of stress or high emotion the neurons that fire quickest are those that have been there the longest.  For example feeling safe and comfortable when we eat has probably been in the neural pathway since you were an infant and breastfeeding.  Taking a long bath and reading your favorite novel to feel comfortable and safe has been in your neural pathway for only two weeks.  Be gentle with yourself when once more you overeat.  The task at hand is to start over when you have a regression or  “bad day”.  There are very few people that can change cold turkey.  Think of neural pathways like a path in the grass, the one that has been walked on the longest has no grass and it’s easy to see and take.  The new path you are walking on still does not have a clear way; it has hidden rocks, snarling weeds, and unseen roots.  That being said if you keep going on the new path eventually it will wear in like the old one.  Simultaneously, the old path will grow grass and lose visibility.  That’s how the brain works.\r\n\r\nTake these steps. Give them a go. If you find that even when you figure out the HOW it still seems overwhelming, get some assistance, call a therapist or a good friend, and keep at it.  Change takes time.  Here’s to a great 2014 and to keeping at least one, if not all of your resolutions!','Why Your Mom Feeding You Keeps You From Successfully Keeping Your 2014 Resolution','','inherit','open','open','','178-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 02:30:24','2014-01-10 02:30:24','',178,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/178-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(182,3,'2014-01-10 02:31:45','2014-01-10 02:31:45','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/why-your-mom-feeding-you-keeps-you-from-successfully-keeping-your-2014-resolution/2014-resolutions/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-180\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-180\" alt=\"2014 Resolutions\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/2014-Resolutions.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"488\" /></a>By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nThis time of year is always interesting to be a therapist.  It is the time when everyone is taking a look at themselves and attempting to see things in a new way and/or trying to change something about themselves, which is what I do with others on a year round basis.  My twitter feed was chock  full of articles and messages about new this, resolve that, change now, and it fills me with both joy and frustration.  The joy comes from feeling that everyone is out trying to get closer to their authenticity, which is my goal as a therapist, to assist others in finding their truest self.  I also feel frustration because come February most of those hopeful souls will have already gotten back to old patterns and away from the stream of change and resolution.  In the spirit of lasting change, here are my three steps on how you can make sure that this year you stick to<!--more--><strong> </strong>keeping those resolutions.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 1 – Figure out WHY the action you are trying to change is actually serving you.</b>\r\n\r\nRemember Dr. Phil’s famous line, “How’s that working for you?” He used it in sarcasm more times than not, but if you answer this simple question truthfully you will be halfway to eliminating the bad habit or tendency.  Ask the question.  How does eating a plate full of dinner, Oreos, and ice cream at night work for me?  Well, maybe you stayed to your diet all day long and had that green juice smoothie from your new Vitamixer, but then at the end of the day, you fight with your husband, your child does not cooperate while doing his homework, and when everyone goes to bed you are drained.  You fill your heart and numb out the stress and frustration with a plate full of pork, beans and rice and then treat yourself with Oreos and ice cream, taking care of yourself emotionally.  This is because at one point in your life your mom took care of you while feeding you.  When she did that you felt comfort and safety.  Now as an adult after a night like that it makes sense that you would choose to comfort yourself with food.  This takes care of the need to feel safe and comfortable.  Also, blame the brain because that message of food as comfort is an old emotional memory held in your right brain.  So the overeating is working for you because you are stressed, lonely, tired, and hungry and food makes you feel safe and comforted.\r\n\r\n<b>Step 2 – Once you know why the old action works for you figure out HOW to replace it</b>\r\n\r\nIt is almost impossible to change behavior or old habits without replacing them with a new one.  The piece that a lot of people forget is that the behavior is linked to a need and/or an emotion.  If you did <b>Step 1 </b>correctly then you have figured out the need and the emotion attached to it.  In our previous example the need was to be comfortable and the feeling was safety.  So the question to ask yourself is if I want to be comfortable and safe and I have a long stressful day, what do I have to do besides <i>eat</i> to feel comfortable and safe?  This is not an easy task, coming up with an answer to that question can be excruciatingly painful and sometimes feel daunting.  That is why most people just want to change the behavior by ignoring the need and emotion.  But I promise you, if you can know the why, the how will come slowly, and soon you will have an answer, such as replacing the food with a soothing, comfortable bath.  That leads us to:\r\n\r\n<b>Step 3 – Change of any kind comes in bursts and regressions</b> –<b>sticking to your new action WHEN you fail is what brings the greatest change.</b>\r\n\r\nThe <a href=\"http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/\">statistics say</a> that 60% of people stick to their resolution past the first month.  This is  because change is not linear.  Once you decide to change and you take <b>step 1 and step 2</b>  I guarantee that you will have good and bad days and that is the human experience.  One more time we have to blame the brain.  In times of stress or high emotion the neurons that fire quickest are those that have been there the longest.  For example feeling safe and comfortable when we eat has probably been in the neural pathway since you were an infant and breastfeeding.  Taking a long bath and reading your favorite novel to feel comfortable and safe has been in your neural pathway for only two weeks.  Be gentle with yourself when once more you overeat.  The task at hand is to start over when you have a regression or  “bad day”.  There are very few people that can change cold turkey.  Think of neural pathways like a path in the grass, the one that has been walked on the longest has no grass and it’s easy to see and take.  The new path you are walking on still does not have a clear way; it has hidden rocks, snarling weeds, and unseen roots.  That being said if you keep going on the new path eventually it will wear in like the old one.  Simultaneously, the old path will grow grass and lose visibility.  That’s how the brain works.\r\n\r\nTake these steps. Give them a go. If you find that even when you figure out the HOW it still seems overwhelming, get some assistance, call a therapist or a good friend, and keep at it.  Change takes time.  Here’s to a great 2014 and to keeping at least one, if not all of your resolutions!','Why Your Mom Feeding You Keeps You From Successfully Keeping Your 2014 Resolution','','inherit','open','open','','178-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 02:31:45','2014-01-10 02:31:45','',178,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/178-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(183,3,'2014-01-10 03:03:13','2014-01-10 03:03:13','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=155\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-155\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-155 alignleft\" alt=\"astheinternseesit\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/astheinternseesit.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"604\" /></a>After interning at <a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com\">The Nest</a> for a little over five months now, I have come to the conclusion that navigating the terrains of parenthood is never easy, and in most cases there is rarely only one good way to respond to any situation. Instead, most choices in parenting require a delicate balance between raising your kid with certain freedoms and limitations based on your value system and vision of who you want your child to grow up to be, and respecting the context you find yourself in at any given moment, and what would be considered appropriate within that situation.\r\n\r\nFor instance,<!--more--> one couple\'s values for their child were self-expression and independence, and they allotted for this in their child\'s world by safeguarding the bejeezus out of their home, and allowing their child complete freedom to explore every crevice to her little heart’s content. Fast forward several months later to music class, and their child is having the time of her life running around the room, exploring all of the instruments, examining other toddler\'s treasures, as the other parents in the room look on horrified. Therein lies the great dilemma of being an intentional parent. In this moment what is more important? Continuing to enforce your child\'s security and confidence by allowing them full access to this exciting new world that is music class? Or appeasing the other parents, who look nervous, annoyed, or downright offended? Your child doesn\'t seem to mind, but do you? It is scenarios such as these that are par for the course when it comes to parenting, and the \"right\" thing to do in a situation like this may be quite different depending on how you were raised, and what values you were taught growing up.\r\n\r\nThe gift that I see Alina and Lina giving these parents time and time again is the gift of empowerment. To remind parents that they are the experts on their children (<a href=\"http://www.brazeltontouchpoints.org/\">Brazelton,2001</a>), and it is their choices within their value system that truly measure their success and areas of growth in rearing these little humans into citizens of the world. Whether the parent ultimately redirects the child to join the rest of the class and sit still with one instrument, or continues to let their child explore (dirty looks and all), matters less than the feeling of congruence a parent experiences when their intentions align with their actions. As an intern, there’s nothing more rewarding then witnessing a couple’s sigh of relief when they are reminded of this, and given back their power as experts on their own children.','Empathy for Parents          by Courtnie Rodich','','inherit','open','open','','154-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 03:03:13','2014-01-10 03:03:13','',154,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/154-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(184,3,'2014-01-10 03:05:00','2014-01-10 03:05:00','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=149\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-149\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-149 alignleft\" alt=\"Holidaychooseyou\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holidaychooseyou.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"269\" /></a>Halloween has come and gone, replaced by the reminder that the end of year holidays are around the corner. Many of us have turned our calendars and minds to Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, and all of the responsibilities, hopes, wishes and to do lists ahead of us.   I know that by continuing on this line of thought some of you are out of breath. You are haunted by visions of your haggard self, stressed out and angry with your little ones because they do not look how grandma or auntie or best friend wants them to look.  But I want to offer a different vision for your holidays.<!--more-->  I challenge you to do the holidays your way. Try not to make plans because of obligation or because of what others may think or because you\'re afraid of someone getting upset with you.  Take a moment right now to stop, breathe and create a list of what YOU really want to do this holiday season, and commit to doing at least one of those things that came to mind.\r\n\r\nLittle children do this naturally.  Some walk into a room, taking a moment to look around. Some just run right in. Some just stand by mommy a good while, but inevitably all children end up doing exactly what they want to do. They allow themselves to be present, aware and enjoy the here and now.  Watch them approach a new space then take a moment to think about the holidays and how you can explore them the way your little one explores their world.  How many times have you started the holiday season only to wake up January 5th to your first true moment of pause?  The holidays have just gone flying by and you just got through it trying to be someone that you\'re not?\r\n\r\nPsychologically, there are many reasons why we do not stay present, but in my experience the number one reason is the fear of rejection, of not belonging.  I often remind myself and practice not making choices based on this fear.  It is difficult and it takes a moment, but most times the answer is in that place within me that knows exactly what I\'m supposed to be doing.  If you are \"supposed\" to go to three houses on Thanksgiving instead just choose one this year.  If you do go to all three, make the conscious choice of doing the three in a way that makes sense to you and your little ones. It\'s hard when fear paralyzes us, but as parents we are lucky we have that little person who looks at us and by their mere existence asks us to be just slightly stronger.  Take a look into their eyes and wonder what kind of 2013 Holiday memories do I want to give my baby, my child, my teen.  Do we want to give them a holiday season where we are rushing, stressing and pretending to be someone else\'s idea of a family holiday?\r\n\r\nIt takes a lot of courage and discomfort to make these types of choices, for some choices hurt.  But if they are your truth, after the hurt, you will see that you made the right choice.  Maybe this year you don\'t want to take the challenge. You don\'t want to change anything for now.  That too is a choice.  Take time to observe yourself instead.  Consider when you\'ve made a choice because you are scared of what others will think or feel. The first way to change is to become aware of what we do and then assess, inventory and choose what we will change next time.  Both choices are courageous!  I wish you well and let\'s go into these holidays aware and awake together.','Greet the Holiday Season with Awareness        by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA','','inherit','open','open','','146-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 03:05:00','2014-01-10 03:05:00','',146,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/146-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(186,3,'2014-01-10 03:07:53','2014-01-10 03:07:53','<a href=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/?attachment_id=136\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-136\"><img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-136\" alt=\"80\" src=\"http://www.thenestmiami.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/80.jpg\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" /></a>I was speaking to a preschool teacher recently who communicated that something really interesting is happening to her preschool class. She stated that her students were very intelligent and that most of them recognized letters, knew their numbers and their colors, She found that wonderful, but she bemoaned the fact that none of them had any type of life skill or emotional and social skill at four years of age.  She wondered, “What’s going on?  Why aren\'t they getting that?  What has happened?”   My answer to her was a tough one. What I see<!--more--> constantly is that there has been a shift in culture.   It seems that most parents are very worried about the academics but seem to have forgotten or overlooked the part that makes or change a person, which is the social emotional learning, the character building necessary to be able to learn to be citizens of the world.\r\n\r\nA study found that IQ is only 20% of a person\'s possibility to thrive and be happy in the world and work <a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\">(Goleman</a><a href=\"http://www.eiconsortium.org/members/goleman.htm\" target=\"_blank\"> 2006),</a>  yet parents tend to prefer to concentrate mostly on that 20% of how our children can be happy.   I know that for many parents, including myself, our greatest goal is for our child to be happy and fulfilled, yet we forget about the other 80% percent that will help them accomplish this.   We rob them of the experience of being independent by doing simple things like spoon feeding them past the time they can developmentally hold a spoon(18mo-2y.o.) or speak to their teacher about their grade instead of allowing the teen to advocate for themselves.  We take away the life experience of feeling fear, frustration, disappointment, and/or regret.\r\n\r\nI understand that the parent spoon feeding their toddler or advocating for their teen with an embittered teacher is a way for us to love and protect our children, but at what cost?  My belief is that these actions are led by fear.  We fear that if our children are not academically ready, they will not make it to the best college, and will not get that exceptional job, and we will have failed them as a parent.  Academic success is tangible and concrete.  Social, emotional and moral success is intangible and ambiguous and in this world of constantly assessing our success by our exterior rather than our interior experience, we choose short term and tangible instead of long term and ambiguous.  The cost is high for the child and our society.  What psychologists, scientists, and neurologists know is that without being able to handle emotion, without being able to be independent, without being able to have had the experience of creativity and exploration, that child may be able to get into Harvard, but their anxiety level will probably take them out of the school within the first semester of their freshman year.  They may graduate from Harvard and get the stellar job, but when you ask them are you happy, they will probably respond in the negative because they are stuck with the trappings of a life put upon them, rather than a life they have independently chosen, felt, and explored authentically.\r\n\r\nWhat is it about social and emotional learning and independence that makes us as parents fearful? Sometimes the answer is that we, as humans, are also avoiding feelings that we deem negative and uncomfortable and when we experience them in our children we want to avoid them or make them go away.  Helping a child be socially and emotionally competent asks us as parents to tolerate and experience these dark and negative feelings.   It is much easier to control food, books, colors, and academic achievement, so we are then making the easier choice.  My challenge to you is to feel the discomfort or the fear and get into the 80% skills that will truly help your children thrive and be happy.','Helping Your Child Secure Happiness by Focusing on the 80%.           by Lina Acosta Sandaal','','inherit','open','open','','135-revision-v1','','','2014-01-10 03:07:53','2014-01-10 03:07:53','',135,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(199,3,'2014-01-23 22:40:47','2014-01-23 22:40:47','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is <!--more-->the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  For her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah ah ah danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes feels the world is a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','publish','open','open','','my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother','','','2014-03-20 00:18:09','2014-03-20 00:18:09','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?p=199',0,'post','',0),(190,3,'2014-01-16 01:03:53','2014-01-16 01:03:53','','daddy time','','inherit','open','open','','daddy-time','','','2014-01-16 01:03:53','2014-01-16 01:03:53','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/daddy-time.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(202,3,'2014-01-23 21:02:00','2014-01-23 21:02:00','Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 21:02:00','2014-01-23 21:02:00','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(201,3,'2014-01-23 21:00:33','2014-01-23 21:00:33','Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nFor her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 21:00:33','2014-01-23 21:00:33','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(200,3,'2014-01-23 20:58:43','2014-01-23 20:58:43','Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and for it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  However, temperament is highly influenced by environment so we return to the old nature vs. nurture question.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nFor her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 20:58:43','2014-01-23 20:58:43','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(203,3,'2014-01-23 21:07:41','2014-01-23 21:07:41','Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 21:07:41','2014-01-23 21:07:41','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(204,3,'2014-01-23 21:08:16','2014-01-23 21:08:16','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nRecently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 21:08:16','2014-01-23 21:08:16','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(206,3,'2014-01-23 22:34:03','2014-01-23 22:34:03','','2013-10-26 11.00.07','','inherit','open','open','','2013-10-26-11-00-07','','','2014-01-23 22:34:03','2014-01-23 22:34:03','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/2013-10-26-11.00.07.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(205,3,'2014-01-23 22:30:01','2014-01-23 22:30:01','<a href=\"http://youtu.be/kXLDbNsIg9s\">http://youtu.be/kXLDbNsIg9s</a>by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nRecently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 22:30:01','2014-01-23 22:30:01','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(207,3,'2014-01-23 22:38:31','2014-01-23 22:38:31','','Buddha Daughter','','inherit','open','open','','buddha-daughter','','','2014-01-23 22:38:31','2014-01-23 22:38:31','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(208,3,'2014-01-23 22:39:20','2014-01-23 22:39:20','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=207\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 22:39:20','2014-01-23 22:39:20','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(209,3,'2014-01-23 22:39:47','2014-01-23 22:39:47','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=207\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the<!--more--> way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 22:39:47','2014-01-23 22:39:47','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(210,3,'2014-01-23 22:40:47','2014-01-23 22:40:47','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the<!--more--> way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-23 22:40:47','2014-01-23 22:40:47','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(211,3,'2014-01-24 02:57:31','2014-01-24 02:57:31','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\n\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\n\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\n\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  For her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\n\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah ah ah danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes feels the world is a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\n\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-autosave-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:57:31','2014-01-24 02:57:31','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(212,3,'2014-01-24 02:48:15','2014-01-24 02:48:15','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:48:15','2014-01-24 02:48:15','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(213,3,'2014-01-24 02:49:52','2014-01-24 02:49:52','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:49:52','2014-01-24 02:49:52','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(214,3,'2014-01-24 02:50:39','2014-01-24 02:50:39','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is<!--more--> the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah, ah, ah, danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:50:39','2014-01-24 02:50:39','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(215,3,'2014-01-24 02:54:44','2014-01-24 02:54:44','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nFor her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah ah ah danger\"and she would stop immediately It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:54:44','2014-01-24 02:54:44','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(216,3,'2014-01-24 02:55:28','2014-01-24 02:55:28','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  For her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah ah ah danger\"and she would stop immediately It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes felt the world was a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:55:28','2014-01-24 02:55:28','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(217,3,'2014-01-24 02:57:53','2014-01-24 02:57:53','by Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/my-buddha-daughter-and-her-emotional-mother/buddha-daughter/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-207\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-207\" alt=\"Buddha Daughter\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Buddha-Daughter.jpg\" width=\"305\" height=\"317\" /></a>Recently, I have spent a lot of time writing and reading so that I can prepare for our new series of parent talks. As I was doing this I started thinking about my own journey in motherhood and how it has affected me. The one aspect of parenting that I have struggled with is the subject of the opening talk:  how to parent the personality your child was born with. I have a very strong personality. (My husband attributes it to“being Colombian”.)  When I was young I was told I was dramatic, and as an adult some people tend to be a little put off when they first meet me.  I am passionate when I speak and it makes some people uncomfortable.\r\n\r\nMy daughter and I are very different. She was born at 32 weeks, and even while she was hooked up to machines in the NICU she had this calm energy that surrounded her.  She\'s eight now and she still has aspects of how she was when she was just a little preemie. Her temperament is a real challenge for me.  Temperament is the way that we react to the world emotionally and behaviorally and scientists discovered that we all have a particular way of doing that. The key to parenting to the personality your child was born with is to figure out how to respond, discipline and set values to the temperament of your child.  My daughter and I do not have a good fit.  I am highly-reactive, highly emotional and when stressed, irrational. She is low-reactive, methodical, observant, and mostly calm. The development literature describes her as \"slow to warm\"; that\'s her temperament. The literature describes me as difficult, that\'s my temperament.\r\n\r\nIn infancy her temperament was a complete godsend. Since the circumstances of her birth were so scary, her time in the hospital, terrifying, her calm nature helped this irrational and emotional mommy stay calm.  But then came the toddler years and temperament showed its face clearly as her personality began to emerge. All of a sudden, I had a baby girl that was shy.  For her mommy, this very dramatic and in-your-face personality type, her being so calm and not being able to come into a situation and just take charge highly disrupted me.  Toddlers also start getting into things and since I had the trauma of the NICU every time she got into something I reacted. Of course I reacted in my own personal way - it was big, it was 0-10 and that caused great distress for my little toddler.  So we had a poor fit:  I was scaring her and she was frustrating me.  But since I was the parent and she the child, I had to adjust.  In the adjustment I began to understand my baby girl. She began to teach me a lesson in the ways of the Buddha.\r\n\r\nWhen I took a step back and stopped comparing her to me I realized that she wasn\'t “shy”, she was observant. Every time we went to a new space it took her about 10 minutes to adjust, to look at everything, to notice and then she would happily join in.  When I saw her getting into something I took a moment and gently stated, \"ah ah ah danger\" and she would stop immediately.  It was so easy. Before when I screamed be careful, all she did was get startled and cry.  I learned that my daughter quietly sees the world, noticing how everything functions.  Once I started seeing the world through her eyes the world was amazing and a lot less scary.  My emotional and dramatic self sometimes feels the world is a scary place.  She opened me up to a curious and beautiful view and for that I will always be grateful.\r\n\r\nMy daughter taught me a great lesson. The difficulty of parenting rests in being able to look at your child and see their individuality. I encourage all to take a moment today and truly look at your child. Wonder are they like me? Are they different?  Do our temperaments fit? When you figure the answers to those questions, I know beautiful things will happen between you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>To learn more on parenting temperament join us at one of our talks.  <a href=\"http://http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=c3ed31e545&amp;id=265d73dac3\" target=\"_blank\">Click here</a> for information</em>','My Buddha Daughter and Her Emotional Mother','','inherit','open','open','','199-revision-v1','','','2014-01-24 02:57:53','2014-01-24 02:57:53','',199,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/199-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(221,3,'2014-02-05 22:35:30','2014-02-05 22:35:30','','SchoolChoice','','inherit','open','open','','schoolchoice','','','2014-02-05 22:35:30','2014-02-05 22:35:30','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/SchoolChoice.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(226,3,'2014-02-13 01:01:05','2014-02-13 01:01:05','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/how-to-be-certain-that-they-love-you/vulnerable-love/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-228\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-228 alignright\" alt=\"vulnerable love\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"400\" /></a>Valentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you<!--more--> love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>If couples therapy is something you seek.  Call us to set up a consultation 305-392-0788.  Weekend, evening and lunch time appointments available.</em>','How To Be Certain That They Love You','','publish','open','open','','how-to-be-certain-that-they-love-you','','','2014-02-13 01:02:03','2014-02-13 01:02:03','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?p=226',0,'post','',0),(227,3,'2014-02-13 00:45:50','2014-02-13 00:45:50','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\nValentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.','How to be Certain that They Love You','','inherit','open','open','','226-revision-v1','','','2014-02-13 00:45:50','2014-02-13 00:45:50','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/226-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(228,3,'2014-02-13 00:56:38','2014-02-13 00:56:38','','vulnerable love','','inherit','open','open','','vulnerable-love','','','2014-02-13 00:56:38','2014-02-13 00:56:38','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(229,3,'2014-02-13 00:57:15','2014-02-13 00:57:15','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=228\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-228\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-228 alignright\" alt=\"vulnerable love\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"400\" /></a>Valentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you<!--more--> love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.','How to be Certain that They Love You','','inherit','open','open','','226-revision-v1','','','2014-02-13 00:57:15','2014-02-13 00:57:15','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/226-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(230,3,'2014-02-13 00:59:06','2014-02-13 00:59:06','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=228\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-228\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-228 alignright\" alt=\"vulnerable love\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"400\" /></a>Valentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you<!--more--> love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>If couples therapy is something you seek.  Call us to set up a consultation 305-392-0788.  Weekend, evening and lunch time appointments available.</em>','How to be Certain that They Love You','','inherit','open','open','','226-revision-v1','','','2014-02-13 00:59:06','2014-02-13 00:59:06','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/226-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(231,3,'2014-02-13 00:59:21','2014-02-13 00:59:21','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=228\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-228\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-228 alignright\" alt=\"vulnerable love\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"400\" /></a>Valentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you<!--more--> love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>If couples therapy is something you seek.  Call us to set up a consultation 305-392-0788.  Weekend, evening and lunch time appointments available.</em>','How To Be Certain That They Love You','','inherit','open','open','','226-revision-v1','','','2014-02-13 00:59:21','2014-02-13 00:59:21','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/226-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(232,3,'2014-02-13 01:01:06','2014-02-13 01:01:06','By Lina Acosta Sandaal, MA\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/how-to-be-certain-that-they-love-you/vulnerable-love/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-228\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-228 alignright\" alt=\"vulnerable love\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vulnerable-love.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"400\" /></a>Valentine’s Day has me thinking about the time I spend with couples as their therapist.  It’s interesting to sit in a couple’s therapy session and witness how love can make a lot of us feel completely out of control.  I see couples fight furiously and notice how each partner is completely oblivious to the fact that it’s not the money or the child that’s the issue.  What they are really fighting about involves three very simple questions, “Do you<!--more--> love me?  Will you stay with me?  How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me?”  When I witness this in a session I have the wonderful and sometimes energizing opportunity of letting them know that they are fighting for love.\r\n\r\nWe learn about love very early in life.  Every time an infant cries and a caregiver picks them up to soothe them and tell them they are okay the infant begins to understand that they matter, they are safe, and that love is just a cry away.  Toddlers learn about love when a caregiver allows them to go and explore the world but is also available to them when they return to check in that all is okay.  A securely attached child feels loveable because their environment is safe, predictable, and loving.  That said, it does not always work out that smoothly; those of us whose attachment was lacking, continue to search for that safe, predictable, and loving figure well into adulthood.\r\n\r\nOn to the three questions:\r\n\r\n<i>How can I be sure that you won’t hurt me? (PREDICTABILITY)</i>\r\n\r\nIn the beginning of a relationship couples rarely ask this.  But after that first time our lover fails to return a call or perhaps forgets to ask us how we are doing, we doubt.  This is when your past rears its ugly head.  When we are emotionally hurt, our brain helps by showing us all the other times we have been hurt.   It does this because it wants to protect us from pain.  This is a question about predictability, one of three things needed to securely attach to another.  For the relationship to survive from the constant barrage of defenses against getting hurt each member of the relationship has to be willing to be as predictable as possible.  Communicate about your schedule, about how many times a week you want to see each other, about how you want the other to show up for you.  This is easier said than done because committing to this means the person asking has to be vulnerable enough to ask and the one receiving the information has to be selfless enough to respond.\r\n\r\n<i>Will you stay with me? (SAFETY)</i>\r\n\r\nWhen we securely attach as children we feel safety in that the person taking care of us responds to us when we are in need.  In a romantic relationship this is not guaranteed; it is built up through repeated experiences of our lover telling us I am here for you.   Once again the key ingredient for the success of experiencing safety is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.  I have a secret wish that every marriage ceremony would include this vow, “I vow from this day forward to be vulnerable to you”.  If we could all take a deep breath and dive into the pool of vulnerability with our partners I promise you most relationships would flourish.  However, what often happens when one of the two is asking this question is that they are also pushing or defending the other away by giving them “the list” of how they know they will disappoint them. That said, if your gut is screaming to you not to trust or be vulnerable, listen. Perhaps you are trying to remain in a relationship that is not safe and it’s time to walk away.\r\n\r\n<i>Do you love me? (LOVING ENVIRONMENT)</i>\r\n\r\nThis is the trickiest of all three questions.  If your relationship with your parents is difficult, complicated, or non-existent you have been asking this question most of your life and the only person that can give you a satisfying answer is your parent.  It has been my experience that the only way to heal is to mourn the loss of the love we never got as children.  Every time my clients take the journey of grieving the loss/hope of having their parents see and love them, they heal.  Painful, but no relationship can survive one or both of the partners asking the other, “am I loveable?”   It is cliché, but true: if you cannot love yourself first, it is very difficult to experience the love of another.  It gets even more complicated when you take into account how much your past experiences of love influence your present experience.  For example, if your parent was highly critical of your way of being, you may be really uncomfortable with someone who praises you often.  It may seem strange that this person who loves you is always so “nice” to you and you may walk away.  Seems odd, yes, but one more time your brain is to blame.  Early on you learned that if someone loves you they are critical.  So the sweet high praising guy is creepy or too clingy only because he does not match your familial and historic definition of love.\r\n\r\nThe answer in this area of the loving part of being securely attached is to begin to dissect in yourself how you define being loved.  When you discover the answer, tell your partner.  If you share the definition of love and they are willing to work it out with you or even better if you both work on your love definition together, you can heal your broken attachment.\r\n\r\nIt seems like a lot of work but it is well worth it.  Love is a verb.  It takes action, vulnerability and awareness to maintain it.  You have been doing it since the day you were born.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<em>If couples therapy is something you seek.  Call us to set up a consultation 305-392-0788.  Weekend, evening and lunch time appointments available.</em>','How To Be Certain That They Love You','','inherit','open','open','','226-revision-v1','','','2014-02-13 01:01:06','2014-02-13 01:01:06','',226,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/226-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(234,3,'2014-02-26 20:58:08','2014-02-26 20:58:08','By Lina Acosta Sandaal\r\n\r\nThe end of this month marks the two-year anniversary of the nest’s opening to the public.  It feels like I\'ve been at this project for much longer; I guess that\'s how we often feel when we are <a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/how-this-parenting-expert-often-feels-like-a-bad-parent/stress-and-parenting/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-238\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-238\" alt=\"stress and parenting\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/stress-and-parenting.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"538\" /></a>deeply engaged in a labor of love.  The nest is a dream, but it\'s also the cause of a lot of stress in my day-to-day life. Ironically, I find myself time and again talking with parents about how stress influences <i>their</i> day.  Stress makes me feel like less of a parent. As a supposed expert on children and parenting, when that thought flies into my mind it is shocking.  So I figured, I would soothe myself by giving it some contemplation, and share what I do when the world<!--more--> and my small business tells me in the form of stress that I am not doing a good job with life and my little ones.\r\n\r\n<b>1.</b>    <b>Get honest with someone.</b>\r\n\r\nStress can take me to situations where I am short with my kids, avoidant of my kids or worse screaming at my kids.  The truth is that it is just part of being human.  When our brain is in stress, anxiety and panic mode, it shifts to a primitive state of fight, flight, or freeze. Sometimes in parenting, screaming is our fight or flight or moment of insane freezing. My number one cure for dealing with this part of the stress response is to tell others my truth.  Let those close, trusted friends in and tell them what you did and how you handled it so then you can both have that human connection of “me too”.  A lot of times in parenting we suffer in silence, imagining that the other parents never lose it.  All parents lose it.  I have training and expertise and education, and I have my awful moments, so today in my blog, I am publicly sharing my truth. When this is done, I will feel better.\r\n\r\n<b>2.</b>    <b>Let your children off the hook.</b>\r\n\r\nIt is important to be able to tell the story of your stress to your children. More often than not, children believe that you are upset because of something that they did.   If we take a look at a situation with a child when we have a stressful day, the true problem is not the child, it is our day-to-day stress.  It is not being able to take a deep breath before we deal with the frustrated preschooler who is trying to put on their shoes before we get them out to the preschool.  Recently, I was overwhelmed with stress on a Saturday morning because one more time mommy was leaving home and my school-age daughter was not able to spend time with me.  She followed me around and I felt guilty and ended up being short with her before I left.  Driving home, I realized I needed to let her off the hook.  When I got home I was able to use the morning exchange to apologize and then explain our family’s values about goals and making sacrifices for them.  In this case, “I’m sorry we couldn’t spend time together and that I was mean, but mommy has a goal to help the nest prosper so a lot of families can flourish.”  My little one then said, “I understand mommy. I too want the nest to be successful (BTW short concise version; the real one took about 20 minutes).  It was a hard moment and a glorious moment at the same time.  Apologizing and letting her off the hook gave both of us clarity and happiness.\r\n\r\n<b>3.</b>    <b>Take care of yourself first.</b>\r\n\r\nOn airplanes you are instructed to put the oxygen mask on your face before you put it on the child. This is true with parenting too, and especially true when we\'re stressed.  As a working mother, part of my existence is feeling guilty that somehow someway I am not spending enough time with my kids.  A good friend of ours <a href=\"http://www.lulyb.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Luly B</a> speaks about how “balance is bull#$%t”.   She is right.   What we do every day is take moments to think about what needs to come first, second, and last. For me, in certain moments, the nest comes first and my children come second.  It never feels like balance because there is always something I could do with one or the other. I take care of myself by setting up systems so that they are okay and I am okay. My truth is that taking care of me means that sometimes I need to leave the children with my mom because I just need to sit and have a coffee alone, or I need to work three hours on our business plan, or I need to turn off the phone and play Legos with my kids. It is difficult and it does not feel good but it is necessary so that when I am with each part of my life that part gets 100% of my attention.\r\n\r\nSo this is my little recipe for how I deal with stress and how I deal with the day-to-day guilt of not being a good parent due to life, work and stress.  It is short, sweet, and never perfect.   But then again, perfection is overrated.','How This Parenting Expert Often Feels Like a Bad Parent','','publish','open','open','','how-this-parenting-expert-often-feels-like-a-bad-parent','','','2014-02-26 23:10:29','2014-02-26 23:10:29','',0,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?p=234',0,'post','',1),(237,3,'2014-02-26 19:57:58','2014-02-26 19:57:58','By Lina Acosta Sandaal\r\n\r\nThe end of this month marks the two-year anniversary of the nest’s opening to the public.  It feels like I\'ve been at this project for much longer; I guess that\'s how we often feel when we are deeply engaged in a labor of love.  The nest is a dream, but it\'s also the cause of a lot of stress in my day-to-day life. Ironically, I find myself time and again talking with parents about how stress influences <i>their</i> day.  Stress makes me feel like less of a parent. As a supposed expert on children and parenting, when that thought flies into my mind it is shocking.  So I figured, I would soothe myself by giving it some contemplation, and share what I do when the world<!--more--> and my small business tells me in the form of stress that I am not doing a good job with life and my little ones.\r\n\r\n<b>1.</b>    <b>Get honest with someone.</b>\r\n\r\nStress can take me to situations where I am short with my kids, avoidant of my kids or worse screaming at my kids.  The truth is that it is just part of being human.  When our brain is in stress, anxiety and panic mode, it shifts to a primitive state of fight, flight, or freeze. Sometimes in parenting, screaming is our fight or flight or moment of insane freezing. My number one cure for dealing with this part of the stress response is to tell others my truth.  Let those close, trusted friends in and tell them what you did and how you handled it so then you can both have that human connection of “me too”.  A lot of times in parenting we suffer in silence, imagining that the other parents never lose it.  All parents lose it.  I have training and expertise and education, and I have my awful moments, so today in my blog, I am publicly sharing my truth. When this is done, I will feel better.\r\n\r\n<b>2.</b>    <b>Let your children off the hook.</b>\r\n\r\nIt is important to be able to tell the story of your stress to your children. More often than not, children believe that you are upset because of something that they did.   If we take a look at a situation with a child when we have a stressful day, the true problem is not the child, it is our day-to-day stress.  It is not being able to take a deep breath before we deal with the frustrated preschooler who is trying to put on their shoes before we get them out to the preschool.  Recently, I was overwhelmed with stress on a Saturday morning because one more time mommy was leaving home and my school-age daughter was not able to spend time with me.  She followed me around and I felt guilty and ended up being short with her before I left.  Driving home, I realized I needed to let her off the hook.  When I got home I was able to use the morning exchange to apologize and then explain our family’s values about goals and making sacrifices for them.  In this case, “I’m sorry we couldn’t spend time together and that I was mean, but mommy has a goal to help the nest prosper so a lot of families can flourish.”  My little one then said, “I understand mommy. I too want the nest to be successful (BTW short concise version; the real one took about 20 minutes).  It was a hard moment and a glorious moment at the same time.  Apologizing and letting her off the hook gave both of us clarity and happiness.\r\n\r\n<b>3.</b>    <b>Take care of yourself first.</b>\r\n\r\nOn airplanes you are instructed to put the oxygen mask on your face before you put it on the child. This is true with parenting too, and especially true when we\'re stressed.  As a working mother, part of my existence is feeling guilty that somehow someway I am not spending enough time with my kids.  A good friend of ours <a href=\"https://mail.gulliverschools.org/owa/redir.aspx?C=95481d7267d34e379b8589f3bf43266c&amp;URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.lulyb.com%2f\" target=\"_blank\">Luly B</a> speaks about how “balance is bull#$%t”.   She is right.   What we do every day is take moments to think about what needs to come first, second, and last. For me, in certain moments, the nest comes first and my children come second.  It never feels like balance because there is always something I could do with one or the other. I take care of myself by setting up systems so that they are okay and I am okay. My truth is that taking care of me means that sometimes I need to leave the children with my mom because I just need to sit and have a coffee alone, or I need to work three hours on our business plan, or I need to turn off the phone and play Legos with my kids. It is difficult and it does not feel good but it is necessary so that when I am with each part of my life that part gets 100% of my attention.\r\n\r\nSo this is my little recipe for how I deal with stress and how I deal with the day-to-day guilt of not being a good parent due to life, work and stress.  It is short, sweet, and never perfect.   But then again, perfection is overrated.','How This Parenting Expert Often Feels Like a Bad Parent','','inherit','open','open','','234-revision-v1','','','2014-02-26 19:57:58','2014-02-26 19:57:58','',234,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/234-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(238,3,'2014-02-26 19:59:13','2014-02-26 19:59:13','','stress and parenting','','inherit','open','open','','stress-and-parenting','','','2014-02-26 19:59:13','2014-02-26 19:59:13','',234,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/stress-and-parenting.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(239,3,'2014-02-26 19:59:30','2014-02-26 19:59:30','By Lina Acosta Sandaal\r\n\r\nThe end of this month marks the two-year anniversary of the nest’s opening to the public.  It feels like I\'ve been at this project for much longer; I guess that\'s how we often feel when we are <a href=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/?attachment_id=238\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-238\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-238\" alt=\"stress and parenting\" src=\"http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/stress-and-parenting.jpg\" width=\"403\" height=\"538\" /></a>deeply engaged in a labor of love.  The nest is a dream, but it\'s also the cause of a lot of stress in my day-to-day life. Ironically, I find myself time and again talking with parents about how stress influences <i>their</i> day.  Stress makes me feel like less of a parent. As a supposed expert on children and parenting, when that thought flies into my mind it is shocking.  So I figured, I would soothe myself by giving it some contemplation, and share what I do when the world<!--more--> and my small business tells me in the form of stress that I am not doing a good job with life and my little ones.\r\n\r\n<b>1.</b>    <b>Get honest with someone.</b>\r\n\r\nStress can take me to situations where I am short with my kids, avoidant of my kids or worse screaming at my kids.  The truth is that it is just part of being human.  When our brain is in stress, anxiety and panic mode, it shifts to a primitive state of fight, flight, or freeze. Sometimes in parenting, screaming is our fight or flight or moment of insane freezing. My number one cure for dealing with this part of the stress response is to tell others my truth.  Let those close, trusted friends in and tell them what you did and how you handled it so then you can both have that human connection of “me too”.  A lot of times in parenting we suffer in silence, imagining that the other parents never lose it.  All parents lose it.  I have training and expertise and education, and I have my awful moments, so today in my blog, I am publicly sharing my truth. When this is done, I will feel better.\r\n\r\n<b>2.</b>    <b>Let your children off the hook.</b>\r\n\r\nIt is important to be able to tell the story of your stress to your children. More often than not, children believe that you are upset because of something that they did.   If we take a look at a situation with a child when we have a stressful day, the true problem is not the child, it is our day-to-day stress.  It is not being able to take a deep breath before we deal with the frustrated preschooler who is trying to put on their shoes before we get them out to the preschool.  Recently, I was overwhelmed with stress on a Saturday morning because one more time mommy was leaving home and my school-age daughter was not able to spend time with me.  She followed me around and I felt guilty and ended up being short with her before I left.  Driving home, I realized I needed to let her off the hook.  When I got home I was able to use the morning exchange to apologize and then explain our family’s values about goals and making sacrifices for them.  In this case, “I’m sorry we couldn’t spend time together and that I was mean, but mommy has a goal to help the nest prosper so a lot of families can flourish.”  My little one then said, “I understand mommy. I too want the nest to be successful (BTW short concise version; the real one took about 20 minutes).  It was a hard moment and a glorious moment at the same time.  Apologizing and letting her off the hook gave both of us clarity and happiness.\r\n\r\n<b>3.</b>    <b>Take care of yourself first.</b>\r\n\r\nOn airplanes you are instructed to put the oxygen mask on your face before you put it on the child. This is true with parenting too, and especially true when we\'re stressed.  As a working mother, part of my existence is feeling guilty that somehow someway I am not spending enough time with my kids.  A good friend of ours <a href=\"https://mail.gulliverschools.org/owa/redir.aspx?C=95481d7267d34e379b8589f3bf43266c&amp;URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.lulyb.com%2f\" target=\"_blank\">Luly B</a> speaks about how “balance is bull#$%t”.   She is right.   What we do every day is take moments to think about what needs to come first, second, and last. For me, in certain moments, the nest comes first and my children come second.  It never feels like balance because there is always something I could do with one or the other. I take care of myself by setting up systems so that they are okay and I am okay. My truth is that taking care of me means that sometimes I need to leave the children with my mom because I just need to sit and have a coffee alone, or I need to work three hours on our business plan, or I need to turn off the phone and play Legos with my kids. It is difficult and it does not feel good but it is necessary so that when I am with each part of my life that part gets 100% of my attention.\r\n\r\nSo this is my little recipe for how I deal with stress and how I deal with the day-to-day guilt of not being a good parent due to life, work and stress.  It is short, sweet, and never perfect.   But then again, perfection is overrated.','How This Parenting Expert Often Feels Like a Bad Parent','','inherit','open','open','','234-revision-v1','','','2014-02-26 19:59:30','2014-02-26 19:59:30','',234,'http://reflections.thenestmiami.com/234-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),